anxiety vi (love and dying)

Sometimes it feels like
I can't get a break
I've been sick for months now
random viruses, cold, flu
anxiety depression
funnily enough no covid
I worry about my health
mentally
physically
spiritually

My dad's had covid twice now
he's in hospital with a cough
that won't go away
and needs oxygen to breathe
they say he might have lung cancer
but can't run tests
until he's covid negative

We're not good with "I love you's"
so I text him
asking if he's doing okay
and that I hope
the hospital staff are treating him right
I haven't heard back from him
he's not good with technology
and according to my mum
he's already lost his charger once
though I don't know how that's possible
in an isolated room

I'm scared he won't come home
and that everything that's unsaid
will remain unsaid
though there was never any guarantee
we'd find the right words through
his worsening dementia
to have those long overdue conversations

And I don't know how to deal with this
I can't cry so I panic
and try to distract myself from
the oncoming pain of losing
another person I love
to dementia or cancer
it doesn't matter
I've seen how both can strip a person
of themselves and leave nothing left
but bones and fear and things unsaid

© Indie Adams 2022