It's complicated

How am I doing?
Thank you for asking.
I'm alive and well;
beyond that, it's complicated.
I can easily see
why people just say, "fine".
In fact, I lie to myself,
say that I am OK
when there are so many feelings
that I don't know where to start.
I cannot cope with the bad ones,
because they feel so much like That.
I'm unsure how to enjoy the good ones,
because they always end
and lead me back to That too.

So... I'm deeply grateful that we're all still standing;
profoundly thankful that the worst didn't happen,
distraught about the might-haves,
worried about the future
and weary of the fight.
If my love were enough,
everything would be well,
and we would all live for ever.
But it isn't, and we won't.
Through willpower alone,
I have to find some strength,
deal with these feelings or lay them aside,
pick myself up
and carry on.