deepundergroundpoetry.com
Hello, depression
Hello, depression
you're killing me
I wish you'd find something
better to do with your time
because I don't need you
to hang around
making my body feel like lead
and the inside of my head
like a never ending storm cloud
I know you don't care
that I'm so fucking tired
I can't sleep
it doesn't matter to you
if I'm an insomniacs wet dream
full of nightmares undreamt
until the mornings light
Waking isn't better than sleeping
and I know yoy don't care
If I Iie in bed until
the urge to pee
throws my legs over the edge
and walks me to the bathroom
I'm sure you'd love it
if I was so tired
I just lay there and pissed myself
but I have too much pride
and laundry is just another demon
I don't want to tackle today
...
Hello, antidepressants
you're killing me
I slept 13 hours yesterday
and I'm so nauseas I can't eat
I stand in the shower
for half an hour
hoping I can feel something
I drink black decaf
because you're giving me
a panic attack so hard
I don't want to leave the house today
I drown myself in music
and hope my heartbeat settles
into something that can pass for normal
and tell myself to breathe
I'm totally fine
but we both know I'm lying
The doc said the side effects
will fade soon
but I'm not sure I can wait that long
with a hurricane in my chest
and a kitchen full of dishes
no one else is going to do
I think about not taking you
I stop taking you
...
Hello, depression
you're killing me
Hello, antidepressants
I hate that I need you
© Indie Adams 2022
you're killing me
I wish you'd find something
better to do with your time
because I don't need you
to hang around
making my body feel like lead
and the inside of my head
like a never ending storm cloud
I know you don't care
that I'm so fucking tired
I can't sleep
it doesn't matter to you
if I'm an insomniacs wet dream
full of nightmares undreamt
until the mornings light
Waking isn't better than sleeping
and I know yoy don't care
If I Iie in bed until
the urge to pee
throws my legs over the edge
and walks me to the bathroom
I'm sure you'd love it
if I was so tired
I just lay there and pissed myself
but I have too much pride
and laundry is just another demon
I don't want to tackle today
...
Hello, antidepressants
you're killing me
I slept 13 hours yesterday
and I'm so nauseas I can't eat
I stand in the shower
for half an hour
hoping I can feel something
I drink black decaf
because you're giving me
a panic attack so hard
I don't want to leave the house today
I drown myself in music
and hope my heartbeat settles
into something that can pass for normal
and tell myself to breathe
I'm totally fine
but we both know I'm lying
The doc said the side effects
will fade soon
but I'm not sure I can wait that long
with a hurricane in my chest
and a kitchen full of dishes
no one else is going to do
I think about not taking you
I stop taking you
...
Hello, depression
you're killing me
Hello, antidepressants
I hate that I need you
© Indie Adams 2022
Published 24th Mar 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 6
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24th Mar 2022 6:06am
I'm extremely empathic. I went through a bout of depression, so I called up my local shaman, an actual shaman, and ordered up kambo, frog medicine. It's a neurotoxin that has a threshold property I work well with. It enabled me to take a spirit walk through my biochemistry to understand the nature of my imbalance. I'm not from around here.
The long and the short was that it was a hormone issue. I found the antidote and got back on the right track.
Perhaps you'll have a dream about it. Rest and reset.
The long and the short was that it was a hormone issue. I found the antidote and got back on the right track.
Perhaps you'll have a dream about it. Rest and reset.
24th Mar 2022 6:29am
24th Mar 2022 12:13pm
I had to bust through myself. No miracle cures. No secret handshakes. I picked out 3 things that used to make me happy and did them. Go to a museum. Drive somewhere distant in the car. Have a bonfire.
I raked the leaves and picked up the branches and lit the damn thing. Yep.
I got in the car and drove a 1000 miles. Got a hotel. Visited local sites, and drove home. First time I had left home in 2 years. Fancy meal all alone... but a new place.
Went to a gem show at the museum....and an Escher show. New sites. Inspiration.
I changed environments, listen to music, and ate better food.
I'm retired. I was hibernating. I had to force myself to have different.
I raked the leaves and picked up the branches and lit the damn thing. Yep.
I got in the car and drove a 1000 miles. Got a hotel. Visited local sites, and drove home. First time I had left home in 2 years. Fancy meal all alone... but a new place.
Went to a gem show at the museum....and an Escher show. New sites. Inspiration.
I changed environments, listen to music, and ate better food.
I'm retired. I was hibernating. I had to force myself to have different.
24th Mar 2022 9:38pm
Thank you for sharing that. I'm realising I need to find or create some meaning or purpose in my life.
I've been invited to perform a few pieces on the weekend at a public gig. I'm both excited and terrified. As for the day to day things, it's a work in progress.
I've been invited to perform a few pieces on the weekend at a public gig. I'm both excited and terrified. As for the day to day things, it's a work in progress.
24th Mar 2022 6:58am
The last lines say well the apparent vicious circle of depression and medication dependence:
I think about not taking you
I stop taking you
...
Hello, depression
you're killing me
Hello, antidepressants
I hate that I need you
I think about not taking you
I stop taking you
...
Hello, depression
you're killing me
Hello, antidepressants
I hate that I need you
24th Mar 2022 7:22am
Sometimes it really feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place trying to make the best decision
