Being Front Row Center

a decade amd a half
after their peak
i'm at a Loverboy concert
it's not a concert,
more of a show
at a summer festival
Portland, Oregon

"C'mon everybody"
the MC says
"give a really big round of applause
the guys in the band...
they...kind of don't want to come out"

a glance at my watch. yeah, something's up
they're late

the audience complies
big applause
whistles
excitement to relive the days
of Working for the Weekend

Loverboy shuffles reluctantly onto the stage
Mike Reno has gained a lot of weight
happens to the best of us
but i mean, a lot
i can't help my thoughts
the band is now Blubberboy

you know who would appreciate that?
Bruce
rock and roll was one of our main connections
that and sex
we were a great couple
as long as we didn't talk

we'd had our ups and downs
heavenly ups sometimes weeks at a time

our downs were odious
macabre
i once left a golf ball sized knot in his shin
after kicking him hard
three times with my heavy Frye boot
in a mall parking lot

his response was to knot his fist in my hair
and drag me flailing and screaming
all the way to the car

yeah, you guessed it
great sex that night
anyway
even though we broke up years before
and he's now married
i have to call him
on my new (first) cell phone
it fits right in my pocket

"Blubberboy!" he says happily
familiar raspy voice
he's absolutely delighted
our rock and roll connection is back

three years pass
no communication
then one day in the mail
his return address
I open a splashy picture book
of the band Journey
signed by all members of the band

oh my

when Bruce and i saw Journey
so many years before
he'd gotten us not just good seats
but the very best seats
front row center

Bruce had the power
to get anything he wanted
he wanted that for me
they were my favorite band

i'd been to many concerts
but it had always been the band
with some
or part
or all of the audience in front of them

that night
it was just the band

the difference was astonishing

once Journey took the stage
it was like being inches
from an exploding geyser
not just hearing the music
but being it

i adored Steve Perry
his long hair
his big nose
his exquisite, crystalline singing voice
we're so close to the stage
i can see how he ties his sneakers
a rare thrill

Steve is my cutie
but my eyes drift over to Jonathan Cain
the new keyboard player

and everything else disappears

i'm stunned
up so very close
i notice
for the first time
how magnificent he is
broad shoulders
lush full lips
the single bead of sweat
trickling down his forehead
large hands
with beautiful long fingers
actually creating
magical music
right in front of me

the intensity in his eyes...

i'm smitten
in love

when Bruce says
for the fourth time
-or ninth-
"i did good, didn't I?"
wanting more
much-deserved appreciation
for these VIP seats
i'm distracted
annoyed

i can't help it

i didn't expect this

toward the end of the concert
Bruce loud whispers
over the music
that he's jealous
he's sure Neal Schon
the guitarist
was looking at me

maybe he's just kidding
but oddly
if he wasn't
-even though i'm a huge fan-

i don't care

what about the keyboard player?
i feel like asking

i answer my own question
no, he wasn't
not even close
oh would i have ever known

Later that night
during sex
i'm tired
not fully present

but i didn't dare decline

if Bruce and i didn't have sex
at least once a day
or an average
of say ten times a week
he'd whine
that we were like an old married couple
and besides
those seats...

i'm doing my best
when suddenly it becomes easy
I experience something new
something i know others do (but I never had)

Bruce suddenly is far away
replaced
with someone else
the keyboard player
up close
passionately experiencing
his beautiful long fingers
the intensity on his face
the magical music he creates

it doesn't take long
to go from hearing the music
to being it
i'm inches away from an exploding geyser
and then i am one