deepundergroundpoetry.com
Diary entry 10-01
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I want to die. Plain and simple. Just cease to exist. Forever silencing the voices in my head. Why is that soo hard? I’m going insane because of the unending screaming inside my mind. Nothing helps, drugs, therapy, talk, after talk, after talk, emdr, drama, art, interventions, mutilations, hospitalizations, failed suicide attempts. Where do I go from here? What else do I need to do? What else is left for me to try? Living? Caring? I tried those, didn’t help allot. For a short time love and happiness did lift my spirits. But the world is bigger than that. My understanding of that world is bigger than that. But I’m just a spec, a dot, an ant. I try to make myself and my happiness smaller, so it’s more easy to maintain. But the world isn’t shrinking, only my world does. And I never want to be locked up again. Never ever! They wil never put me away again. I refuse to be an experiment of some so called expert. No more locked rooms, no more. It has to end.
Published 10th Jan 2022
Author's Note
Another diary entry. One from a bad day. A very bad bad day.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
11th Jan 2022 7:42am
11th Jan 2022 3:15pm
It was a little better. But better none the less. Thanks for the comment and support.
Anonymous
- Edited 11th Jan 2022 7:55am
11th Jan 2022 7:53am
<< post removed >>
11th Jan 2022 3:39pm
Hello vadelect, thanks for the helpfull comment. I really appreciate them. And you are right, there is no good without the bad. There is no perfect world. I wouldn’t want that because the most beautiful thing about humans is that they have flaws and quirks. That makes it interesting. But I think I’m too receptive for all the bad. It’s the thing that is immediately noticable to me. And my mental health just adds to the confusion and my current mindset. It amplifies all the evil until I see nothing else. It hurts, not only mentally. I’ll give your entry’s a try. Maybe they can give me some clarity or at least another perspective. Thanks again for the comment.
