Winters '95 and '08

Pent up love
War on a barren field.
Of the drugs that make me smile
And the hate that make me yield  
To whatever demon comes
Selling bargains I can't steal
 
Do I need your love
Could I survive this pit alone
Gasping for the air  
That seeps out of my prayer
 
Could I create a womb
Fashioned from the past
A silicon balloon
Around a brittle, crumbling moon
 
How I loathe this fertile sleep
Where I regenerate the pain
And open eyes on dawn
Red with all the life it's slain.
 
As I listen for the whine
Of my shadow's tired song
Watch the monster's fury rise
To reprise me of my wrongs
 
And winter is a razor
For the over growth of flowers
Molded rancid reeking
Of the poet's promised hours
 
Where every bird is singing
Or in their silence it is good
For the havoc of erasing
All I thought I understood.
 
Endeavors ever flowing  
On this winged thrust to own
Or return from anywhere
Any comfort not on loan
 
I paint my many faces
On an unsuspected few
I retreat when all their faces
Betray their inner view
 
If I could only come full circle.
To the sanctum of the child.
Burn all this dust and trust
The alchemy of trial by fire.
 
I'd swim the farthest ocean
Rescue from the deepest cave
Search the here and after.
For all the love I could have saved.