Darkness in a mother's love

Oh I love the way you laugh. I love the way you smile when you look at me back.

And you know I love your eyes when they twinkle with surprise.

And you know I love your curls, every swish, and every twirl.

I love the way you bumble around always needing me to help you out.

I'll clean up all of your messes. I'll do all of the dishes.

I will support us through scores and busts.

I will light your way so that you may see in the dark.

My shining star, my brightest light.

And I love your shrill cry and the way you keep me up at night.

Every night by your crib I think I almost might slip...

Into a fit of rage where I bash your head in.

I always make it through the night. I cradle your head and hold you tight.

And I shudder the thought, the relief the back of my mind had sought.

When you come back from school I'll be waiting and when you do well I'll be praising.

Sometimes I feel that I have failed you when little clouds of darkness show through.

I don't know if you'll grow properly.

You just don't seem ready for the world yet. How will you fit? When you go outside dressed like that.

The decisions you've made have set us back. I'm out every asset I had.

I spent my whole life fighting for and you threw it up in pills on my kitchen floor.

I scarred my body to bring you into this world.

You are my failure, my disease.

That's how I really feel when I say, "I love you."