Nosebleed

I don't think I'm angry enough...

Road raging drunks
Demanding sovereignty of the road 
I didn't ask for conflict
I just wanted to get home
My son.
Still a child. 17...
My child.
I insisted that he stay. 
Following my own advice 
Still haunts me everyday

I can smell the man's beer breath
On my upper lip
I can taste his putrid hate
Every time that he spits
My forehead still Burns
From when he pushed his to mine
It throbs like a bomb
In need of more time
Words were exchanged, it's all now a blur 
But I'll never forget when he said, "I hit girls."

His forgotten driver
Beckoned to go
A rookie mistake
I took my eyes off my foe
He Breathed hard in my ear
"You're one tough Bitch."
Then he swept my knee
And knocked me out in the ditch 

My days…
Raced upside-down.
Is it morning?
What day is it?
Am I dying?
No. 
I'm hurt. 
I'm embarrassed. 

But I'm not fucking pissed

Why…?

Destroyed Ego Masturbator
Has finally stopped stroking
Lips laced, silent tears
Sufficiently broken
I'm not mad because I'm saddened
Disappointed and let down
Our society allows this
Just look around

It's easier to bolster
For another one's cause
Speaking up for ourselves
Blurs what Society draws
But Silence is better
Perpetuates itself 
Because if we all ignore it
There's no problem to be held

But it's real.
Violence is a problem. 
As bad as a drug. 
And we don't want to solve it. 
So let me speak 
In a tone you may recognize
A little closer to Home
To open your eyes

Entertained or disgusted
It's all just a game
It happens or doesn't
It's dismissed, either way
Man, woman or child
Every generation that grows
A Toxic rite of passage 
And we're all deeply exposed

Watch with mouth watered
Or strike it yourself
Each blow is a High
And each knuckle counts
Top dollar you bid
On my crumpled up pose 
Affirming my purpose
Wipe the blood from my Nose

My Spirit, it flickers
Flame struggles to light
Plastic smile fixed
A cover to hide
Survival means Silence
Take the beating in stride
Find a reason each day
Not to break down and cry

I speak for my sisters 
My cousins and spouse
I speak for my aunties 
I speak for myself
I speak for my Mother
Who died with her Hell
Neck wrung by her demons
Like town crier bells

Codependent sling 
Love becomes moot
Exhausted defense
Surrender under a boot 
Public Show for adoration 
Passing glance toxicity
Misuse of the Power
Of sacred femininity 

He can't be a victim
Is he not masculine?
Who gets beaten by a woman?
Honestly … How hard could she hit?
Society says 
Can't keep a man down
So he stays because leaving
Makes him a Clown

I speak for my brothers 
My cousins and spouse 
I speak for my uncles 
I speak for myself
I speak for our Fathers
Who learned too late
That their angers burned
Across lifetimes of pain

I can't tuck into a box
I want to be free
I want to love without reason 
I embrace You for Me
I can't tell you my story
With your knife in my back
Just because you Fear difference 
I would've shared where you lacked

Forced to retreat
While society baits me
Pacing laps in a closet
Disguised as my Safety
Can't just be myself
The fear of it pains me
Second class rights
In the Country that raised me

When every word spoken
Feels like suppression
The truth is a Cage
But there is no protection 
My Silence is Fear
Muffled under dejection 
Words cling to my tastebuds
Too dry for confession

I speak for they
Xey and Perself
I speak for us all
I speak for myself
I speak for resistance 
We must coexist 
Let go of the differences 
Your neighbors are gifts