deepundergroundpoetry.com
aquifer
butterfly cinquain
mercy
drier than the
river with no water:
how the lack of human kindness
mirrors
places in the arid desert,
where poor, helpless creatures
bow their heads in
silence!
© Copyright 2021 April 29
by Clyve A. Bowen♫
mercy
drier than the
river with no water:
how the lack of human kindness
mirrors
places in the arid desert,
where poor, helpless creatures
bow their heads in
silence!
© Copyright 2021 April 29
by Clyve A. Bowen♫
Published 7th May 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th Sep 2021 11:56pm
I came by this one via the random poem function and I’m glad I did.
Firstly, I really like the formatting of this. How tipped on its side it mirrors the shape of the butterfly in question.
Secondly, I love that the mirror theme isn’t only relatable to the shape and symmetry of the butterfly, but to the human condition as a whole. For every rich person there will be a poor person in their echo.
It reminded me so much of the chaos theory — how the flap
Of a butterflies wing can ultimately cause a hurricane halfway across the world. And it’s much the same here. No good deed goes unnoticed.
One thing I would say is I think that exclamation point right at the end weakens the piece a little. It almost demands shock from us, when we’re already feeling it from the realisations that the poem presents us with, and the lingering images of those poor children.
Thank you for sharing this. Much to think about.
-M
Firstly, I really like the formatting of this. How tipped on its side it mirrors the shape of the butterfly in question.
Secondly, I love that the mirror theme isn’t only relatable to the shape and symmetry of the butterfly, but to the human condition as a whole. For every rich person there will be a poor person in their echo.
It reminded me so much of the chaos theory — how the flap
Of a butterflies wing can ultimately cause a hurricane halfway across the world. And it’s much the same here. No good deed goes unnoticed.
One thing I would say is I think that exclamation point right at the end weakens the piece a little. It almost demands shock from us, when we’re already feeling it from the realisations that the poem presents us with, and the lingering images of those poor children.
Thank you for sharing this. Much to think about.
-M
Thank you, -Missy-, for your critical appraisal of this poem. Your keen sense of literary intent, imagery, and nuance unite to disarm all elements of potential evasiveness and blunder in the work.
Your "firstly" and "secondly" observations rally around both the "exterior" (physical structure) and "interior" (implicit form) levels of the presentation. Mirror and echo aptly summarise these.
Yes, I have an idea of the chaos theory, the cause and effect of nature of the human condition (some would include so-called Karma). When Neil Armstrong said, on his landing on the moon in July 1969, "One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind," he was giving action to the theory of possibilities.
I hear you on your final point, with the exclamation point I suppose, as you posit, I am demanding shock value -- but from those who can live a live banquet in a world of need and not lift a finger to help.
I like your reasoning: your logic is full of compassion and expectation. Interesting that you admit to coming upon this poem by random search! Chaos and randomness are probably more well-appointed than the mind will ever know.
Sincerely
cab
Your "firstly" and "secondly" observations rally around both the "exterior" (physical structure) and "interior" (implicit form) levels of the presentation. Mirror and echo aptly summarise these.
Yes, I have an idea of the chaos theory, the cause and effect of nature of the human condition (some would include so-called Karma). When Neil Armstrong said, on his landing on the moon in July 1969, "One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind," he was giving action to the theory of possibilities.
I hear you on your final point, with the exclamation point I suppose, as you posit, I am demanding shock value -- but from those who can live a live banquet in a world of need and not lift a finger to help.
I like your reasoning: your logic is full of compassion and expectation. Interesting that you admit to coming upon this poem by random search! Chaos and randomness are probably more well-appointed than the mind will ever know.
Sincerely
cab
