deepundergroundpoetry.com
cold
In shy morning hours
in mourning
December
my eyes under cover
midst slumber
and surrender
I
dreamt of my
mother
embracing her locket
of photos
of faces
-that!
I never knew.
in mourning
December
my eyes under cover
midst slumber
and surrender
I
dreamt of my
mother
embracing her locket
of photos
of faces
-that!
I never knew.
Published 24th Apr 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 16
reading list entries 0
comments 22
reads 633
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
24th Apr 2021 9:24pm
I like all of this ... the layout ... its symmetry ... first thing I noticed ... nice flow ... great line breaks ... "-that!" ... which jolted me ... in a good way ... I have never seen that before ... set things up perfectly for the last line ... welcome to DUP ...
24th Apr 2021 9:30pm
@lilDragonfly thank you for taking the time to read and comment; your detailed observations are sincerely appreciated. Very happy to be here :)
24th Apr 2021 9:27pm
It's a wonderful and heart tugging piece, the grief intertwined with the season and cold leaves reeling in the pain of loss. The treasure of that locket feels magical.
Thank you for sharing.
Blessings and welcome to DUP.
Thank you for sharing.
Blessings and welcome to DUP.
24th Apr 2021 9:32pm
@wallyroo92 thank you and blessings to you too! sincerely appreciate that you have taken the time to comment with such detail.
warmly,
ursa
warmly,
ursa
Anonymous
- Edited 9th Apr 2022 5:45am
24th Apr 2021 9:34pm
<< post removed >>
24th Apr 2021 9:49pm
24th Apr 2021 10:19pm
24th Apr 2021 11:29pm
@poetSpeak thank you for your comment; a compliment for sure! happy to be here :)
Anonymous
- Edited 23rd Nov 2024 2:46am
24th Apr 2021 10:30pm
<< post removed >>
24th Apr 2021 11:30pm
Anonymous
- Edited 26th Aug 2023 5:45pm
24th Apr 2021 10:59pm
<< post removed >>
24th Apr 2021 11:31pm
25th Apr 2021 00:31am
I really dig your rhyme scheme. It flows really nicely. There is a wispy nostalgia to this piece that's makes it instantly relatable. Welcome to the DU.
25th Apr 2021 1:06pm
25th Apr 2021 1:22am
25th Apr 2021 1:07pm
@Billy-Snagg you got it. thank you so much for taking the time to read and for your comment. sincerely appreciated, ursa.
25th Apr 2021 7:21am
25th Apr 2021 1:08pm
7th May 2021 9:16pm
You've managed to cover a lot of ground in such a short poem - excellent. I like the balance you struck dealing with a subject like grief in such a nuanced way. And welcome to DUP. Best regards, Josh.
8th May 2021 8:03pm
27th May 2021 4:30am
Welcome ursa, I enjoyed the way you shared this memory and pull me into the moment.
29th Aug 2021 2:00pm
Very elegantly penned... There is so much depth in this short write... It seems to unfold stories unrevealed....
