often

you know, i often think to myself.. why do i even try? after getting my heart broken, over and over and over again.
why do i keep moving forward? why am i here typing this poem out when it aint gonna change anything. often i think to myself that it gets better. i wasted 4 years of my life with a girl who didn't appreciate me, who didn't love me, who cheated on me, betrayed me.
after all the toxic abuse, mentally and physically, i moved on. i was poor, i had no money back then, but when i was with her i saved money from each paycheck. after the 4 years we spent together and left each other, i had enough to buy a house which was meant for us.. now its just mine. i have a house a car and i have money to support myself. i have everything to make me happy yet im not.. why am i not truly happy? well its because i miss her... and knowing that shes happy with someone else kills me deep inside. dont get me wrong i hate her for what she did to me and all the pain she has caused me.. but i still love her. i will always love her.. even if she doesnt love me... ya know she broke a promise to my mom when my mother passed away she made a promise to her that she will take care of me.... well i guess she broke that promise..... if i could wake up and start again id just stay in bed... i made a lot of sacrifices to get where i am now.... and honestly im happy.. just not truly happy.. i gave her a piece of my heart to her... and now? i feel empty... and now? i often think to myself, will i ever be happy? the answer is no. i will never be truly happy... because i miss her, and her family... the answer will be no....