Santa's Got a Randy Bag

 
After the presents have been delivered to all the girls and boys
Santa then pulls out…his naughty list
Because now it’s time to distribute the adult games and toys
To the grownups who won’t be dismissed…
 
Becky asked Santa for some massage oils
Which aren’t too kinky for any kind of smut
But her boyfriend Simon asked for anal lube
So he’d have an excuse to slip a finger in her butt
 
Jean wished for some cute see-through lingerie
A tiny pink teddy to model for her spouse
But her husband Rob asked for some leather
The rough stuff gets the pervert aroused
 
Regina has been single for almost a year
Ever since she and her ex, Ed got a divorce
Curiously, she asked for a black Sybian saddle
Because she’s been wanting to ride that horse  
 
For a while Carlos has been unlucky with the ladies
It’s too expensive to flash cash on a Saturday night
So he stopped going to the discotheque clubs
And asked Santa for a friend zone flesh-light
 
Old man Murphy said he was down for whatever
So Mrs. Murphy smiled as they played checkers
But she asked for the biggest thickest strap-on
And she aptly named it the “Rectum Wrecker”
 
Wrecked him? Damn near killed him!
Mrs. Murphy put it on and said “Oh don’t worry Rich”
“That thing is too big” old man Murphy screamed
But she said: “Shut the fuck up and take it bitch!”
 
Santa’s got a randy bag for all the adults of the world
Dildos, vibrators, handcuffs, whatever your needs
Are you disgusted? Oh please don’t clutch your pearls
Look closer, Santa swapped them with anal beads
 
Do you want whips? Chains? Rope? Or maybe restraints?
This holiday season write old Saint Nick that spicy note
Go ahead, come on, don’t be shy, Santa won’t judge
His secret motto is “Hey, whatever floats your boat”