The Wanderer

oh god dearest Wally I felt this in my soul
so much longing and sadness it's palatable  ❤

Thanks for kind comment and adding to your RL. I’m glad you liked it. Sometimes remembering makes me feels melancholy.
Hope you’re doing well.

Wally I truly enjoyed the message of this; it pairs perfectly with the image and is thought-provoking indeed.  

In the spirit of honest critique, and recognition of an emulation of classic style, I would highly suggest not using commas in every other line, as the end lines denote a natural pause. One the reader picks up the rhythm, they no longer need the commas to guide them. Also, you may want to cap only the beginning of sentences - this would also contribute to a smoother read.

Thank you very Ahavati. Gals you liked this piece. I do happen to have an addiction to commas. I made the changes you suggested.

( I am assuming you have not read your critique in the latest CCC comp? )

It reads so much smoother now. I would suggest capping only sentences, as it would be even easier to read.

I am often filled with nostalgia
for something that always made me ponder
The years seem to pass by in a flash
fondly remembering the paths I used to wander
The games and places left me breathless
my young fragile heart sought so many chances
The names and faces now seem ageless
as my old agile soul reminisces on romances
In many of those sleepless nights
I felt like the new dawn would never come
But as the star rose with delight
the new day brought hope under the sun
And there I’d find some comfort
as the chance to love had come again
But when the sun set in the west
the lonely night seemed to never end
Sorry, I don’t mean to ramble on
but I walked a long road of debris and dust
The everlasting longing and yearning
made me submit to my wonder and my lust
Now I listen with vague memory
for the years spent empty and torn asunder
Remembering with bitter melancholy
those strange nights when I used to wander

Also, watch for repetitive words such as 'but', 'and', 'as', etc.

Wally, you're a phenomenal writer, but sometimes I feel you write to escape. What I mean by that is not that you're chained to a life you detest or resent, and writing is your ownly outlet. But, that you're so busy with work and family that writing is a mini-respite for you, and participating in this site crucial for that growth.

What I would ask, in light of your natural talent, is to slow down and pay attention to form and punctuation. You have a grasp of grammar, spelling, and emotional conveyance. Just slow down a bit. While the poem is your respte, it's also art that deserves to be respected moreso than a 'wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am'.

I hope you understand what I am attempting to say here. You're not a disrespectful person by any means, not do I believe you would ever treat a women ( much less human being  ) in such a way. So why not treat the poem as such?

Thanks again Ahavati.
I think I usually stick to a format and get stuck on it without really daring to explore and have fun.
(Catching up with all my reading so I'll get to the CCC critique soon).
Because I'm a native Spanish speaker, I sometimes tend to think in a different language, the syntax is different, I get overwhelmed with the speed of thought and let my fingers do the talking...

With so much going on lately, I do have other ideas I want to try. But again, I always appreciate your critique.

Hope all is well.

I loved the tribute to Stairway To Heaven, great entry, I love this picture so much im writing something too, different song, though :)

Led Zeppelin is one of my favorites bands (well favorite in the classic rock genre) and the song is just pure epicness (it's hard for me to pick a Zeppelin song).

I'm glad you're entering the comp too, can't wait to read yours.
Thanks for stopping by.