deepundergroundpoetry.com
Separation From the Self
Was it possible to render the heart away from the body
To tear that pulsating organ from it's pocket of security
Throwing it into a locked cage to rot?
Technically yes.
Though metaphorically speaking this mind had somehow
In a strange yet understandably brilliant way
Cut across the perforated lines that are labeled;
Happiness, Sadness, Excitement, Anger, Confusion
And in a way erased them from the core personality
Tricking the heart into relinquishing these emotions
Thus leaving them foreign and painful when experienced.
I had always asked myself even as a child WHY?
Why it hurt to feel pure emotion
Becoming ill once excited to much
Becoming an absolute wreck when to joyful.....
It was a complex question with even more complex answers
Only leading to a questioning paradox that leaves me rambling
Left in bricked walls and barred windows to ponder.
There was only one true answer.
I, as a mere child experiencing life and the world
Decided to take pieces of what I felt right
And utilized them to my advantage to become 'Perfect'.
Didn't a natural human error get in the way?
I had figured that emotions and feelings are to painful
At least in excess of when felt to their fullest extent
So for many years a deliberation made them....
Obsolete.
Ever smiled without feeling it?
Of course, all have experienced that when having to fake it
Though what if this was how you felt all the time?
Wearing a mask.
That's what I suppose it feels like at first
But after a long while of the mask on your visage
Your own face when it is removed....
Disappears.
Is this what it feels like to choose intelligence over emotion?
It's like the question 'Would you rather'
Except taking it to a deeply personal level.
Faceless.
A self portrait isn't necessarily what it means if...
There is no way to identify the person
A blank slate with limbs and cloth to wear....
Drawing myself has become such an empty task
It's almost as if I had fallen into a void
Drawing so delicately on a thin sheet of glass
Yet behind it lies everything in it's vast emptiness...
Breaking the surface is only a matter of myself
'What will happen when all you knew becomes WRONG?'
Will you allow yourself to relinquish everything self-taught
With learning anew
Or
Continue living this way?
A life filled with questions and judgements
Deciphering what is 'right' and 'wrong'
Along with the ever trivial question
'Why do I EXIST?'
~Life is like a puzzle. Sometimes it's hard to find all the pieces.~
Published 27th Jan 2012
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27th Jan 2012 7:02pm
28th Jan 2012 1:19am
We are only a hollow shell only to be made up of what we want to be filled with. I try to escape from my self. At night I still dream knowingly I'm still alive. At day I still see my shadow. At home my reflexion is everywhere. Even when I close my eyes I still know what and who I am. It is like nailing jello to a tree!
I love the embrace and the pull to disassociate from one. Kudos my dear friend. Still overwhelmed that you are back with us
I love the embrace and the pull to disassociate from one. Kudos my dear friend. Still overwhelmed that you are back with us
1st Feb 2012 12:50pm
to celebrate the springtime of the new millenium, i spent about 8 hours wit heart unbeating while a great craftsman-of-the-flesh went about doing some eXtensive emergency detour & rerouting work, resulting in..
...rather profound, but ineXplicable change[s] to heart'mind'psyche'spirit...unbelievable to a point where i can no longer believe that My Belief in anything that I-think-i-know is in any way relevant to anything[else].....sounds horrible, right? Nope...tis a great-gift & a vertitably profounded "lightening" of our senselessly self-imposed Load.
bless y'alls...i gotta get outta here..bye'a
...rather profound, but ineXplicable change[s] to heart'mind'psyche'spirit...unbelievable to a point where i can no longer believe that My Belief in anything that I-think-i-know is in any way relevant to anything[else].....sounds horrible, right? Nope...tis a great-gift & a vertitably profounded "lightening" of our senselessly self-imposed Load.
bless y'alls...i gotta get outta here..bye'a
