deepundergroundpoetry.com
Smoke and Thunder
Where smoke and fire scar a scene we've lost to history.
Comrades leave the corpses, those naive to victory.
"But armor does not tire, even hanging onto bone."
Those ragged men recite this creed when they die alone.
Leaders speak of fate and fear to hopeful crowds of eyes.
"No one makes the tacit choice of death without reprise."
Solace leaves the hearts of those wise enough to know
awful sights, which wait out there, and its audio.
"Can you hear the thunder of a thousand steel boots?
Will you heed the call of gods from armored metal suits?"
Iron plates and sundered fates rest the minds of men.
Even though they never know how it starts again.
Irrelevant as it's all become,
death never breaks with morning's sun.
Below white clouds, hear the tantrum drum,
the stinking sound of melee begun.
Comrades leave the corpses, those naive to victory.
"But armor does not tire, even hanging onto bone."
Those ragged men recite this creed when they die alone.
Leaders speak of fate and fear to hopeful crowds of eyes.
"No one makes the tacit choice of death without reprise."
Solace leaves the hearts of those wise enough to know
awful sights, which wait out there, and its audio.
"Can you hear the thunder of a thousand steel boots?
Will you heed the call of gods from armored metal suits?"
Iron plates and sundered fates rest the minds of men.
Even though they never know how it starts again.
Irrelevant as it's all become,
death never breaks with morning's sun.
Below white clouds, hear the tantrum drum,
the stinking sound of melee begun.
Published 3rd Sep 2020
Author's Note
This poem is a loop.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 5
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Sep 2020 8:03am
Your rhyming is a force within such real brutal honesty. I wonder if you're military?
The format is a bit distracting, but it's personal choice. I just like having clear breaks, it allows for the flow to be better when reading...
it's my preference
Well done
Ty for sharing
🌹
B
The format is a bit distracting, but it's personal choice. I just like having clear breaks, it allows for the flow to be better when reading...
it's my preference
Well done
Ty for sharing
🌹
B
3rd Sep 2020 8:22am
What do you think would be a better and more impactful way to do line breaks? I am always willing to hear suggestions.
Where smoke and fire scar a scene
we've lost to history.
Comrades leave the corpses,
those naive to victory.
"But armor does not tire,
even hanging onto bone."
Those ragged men recite this creed
when they die alone.
Leaders speak of fate and fear
to hopeful crowds of eyes.
"No one makes the tacit choice of death
without reprise."
Solace leaves the hearts
of those wise enough to know
awful sights, which wait out there,
and its audio.
"Can you hear the thunder
of a thousand steel boots?
Will you heed the call of gods
from armored metal suits?"
Iron plates and sundered fates
rest the minds of men.
Even though they never know
how it starts again.
Irrelevant as it's all become,
death never breaks with morning's sun.
Below white clouds, hear the tantrum drum,
the stinking sound of melee begun.
or close to it
it also lets you read it in a way where you can see if you either need to add or take away words because the flow isn't quite correct...
also.. you don't need periods
It messes up with your flow
💜🙏😉
we've lost to history.
Comrades leave the corpses,
those naive to victory.
"But armor does not tire,
even hanging onto bone."
Those ragged men recite this creed
when they die alone.
Leaders speak of fate and fear
to hopeful crowds of eyes.
"No one makes the tacit choice of death
without reprise."
Solace leaves the hearts
of those wise enough to know
awful sights, which wait out there,
and its audio.
"Can you hear the thunder
of a thousand steel boots?
Will you heed the call of gods
from armored metal suits?"
Iron plates and sundered fates
rest the minds of men.
Even though they never know
how it starts again.
Irrelevant as it's all become,
death never breaks with morning's sun.
Below white clouds, hear the tantrum drum,
the stinking sound of melee begun.
or close to it
it also lets you read it in a way where you can see if you either need to add or take away words because the flow isn't quite correct...
also.. you don't need periods
It messes up with your flow
💜🙏😉
Hmm... I won't say I dislike most of the way you've broken this apart. Though I do argue the need for periods.
They represent a short break in the line sometimes. Or just an end to thought. I used to write without any punctuation in the past, I am hard-pressed to believe a lack of it makes a piece easier to read.
They represent a short break in the line sometimes. Or just an end to thought. I used to write without any punctuation in the past, I am hard-pressed to believe a lack of it makes a piece easier to read.
3rd Sep 2020 8:57am
I'll have to think about this way of breaking it up and see if I feel it adds, detracts, or nothings to the piece. Thank you for your input though.
