deepundergroundpoetry.com
Wire Hangers
I have died a thousand deaths
at the hand of my own mother.
People used to tell me that I had
to feel something, I had to love her.
Fuck what other people say.
at the hand of my own mother.
People used to tell me that I had
to feel something, I had to love her.
Fuck what other people say.
Published 1st Sep 2020
Author's Note
My photo.
Wire Hangers is a reference to Mommy Dearest, I didn't get beat, I was screamed at and demeaned constantly, Id have preferred a beating those end. Her mouth never stopped. Shes toxic. I dont talk to her. I dont have to. Regardless if someone lost their mom and think me lucky to have one, I think they're lucky.
I will never feel bad about it. So dont even try, I eat guilt for breakfast and shit it out by lunch. 😀❤
Wire Hangers is a reference to Mommy Dearest, I didn't get beat, I was screamed at and demeaned constantly, Id have preferred a beating those end. Her mouth never stopped. Shes toxic. I dont talk to her. I dont have to. Regardless if someone lost their mom and think me lucky to have one, I think they're lucky.
I will never feel bad about it. So dont even try, I eat guilt for breakfast and shit it out by lunch. 😀❤
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 3
comments 14
reads 496
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
1st Sep 2020 6:49pm
I have watched Faye Dunaway over and over in this movie....
" Christina darling".... fuck, it's brutal.
I'm shaking my head in agreement and in solidarity, as I type.
Verbal abuse claws in and gnaws... constantly.
I relate, in ways I wish I didn't
Ty for sharing
Your author's note is pure badassery
xo
B
" Christina darling".... fuck, it's brutal.
I'm shaking my head in agreement and in solidarity, as I type.
Verbal abuse claws in and gnaws... constantly.
I relate, in ways I wish I didn't
Ty for sharing
Your author's note is pure badassery
xo
B
1st Sep 2020 6:57pm
I also watched it a million times.
I am trying so hard not be my mother
i dont want to be verbally abusive
But I'm good at it, which is sad, I had learned to be meaner than her because I had to, I had to defend myself. Ive been on my own since 15. She left me on a corner in an apartment complex, she aaked me once if i wanted to move with them, im 15, i said no, and she packed up and moved out of state. I honestly thought she would drive away and come back for me. I sat on that cement til my butt hurt thinking that evil bitch would come back and she never did lol. Wow. She didnt even leave me with one dollar. I've had a hard hard life. But Ive played the hand i was delt ans ended up way better off. I just dont want to be like her, my son is 21 and driving me nuts but I need to bite my tongue or he'll end up hating me like I do her.
I am trying so hard not be my mother
i dont want to be verbally abusive
But I'm good at it, which is sad, I had learned to be meaner than her because I had to, I had to defend myself. Ive been on my own since 15. She left me on a corner in an apartment complex, she aaked me once if i wanted to move with them, im 15, i said no, and she packed up and moved out of state. I honestly thought she would drive away and come back for me. I sat on that cement til my butt hurt thinking that evil bitch would come back and she never did lol. Wow. She didnt even leave me with one dollar. I've had a hard hard life. But Ive played the hand i was delt ans ended up way better off. I just dont want to be like her, my son is 21 and driving me nuts but I need to bite my tongue or he'll end up hating me like I do her.
1st Sep 2020 7:14pm
Damn, isn't that always the fucked legacy they leave us with?? Such bullshit irony.
The ability to precisely find the deepest darkest buttons and push them with the worst wicked intent.
I'm also the same.... it's infuriating.
You have some very very important hard fought and learned qualities (that even someone who doesn't know you like me, can see) that your pos 'mom' didn't.
Your awareness.
Your obvious empathy
Your desire for light
Your insight
Your awareness that you can be the one to end the cycle, is everything
The road you described getting you to where you are currently, has left it's marks but also those lessons. You can be better and it sounds like you certainly are.
Take that knowledge in and remember THAT during those tongue biting times...
—just my 2 cents... 😉
💜💜 💜
The ability to precisely find the deepest darkest buttons and push them with the worst wicked intent.
I'm also the same.... it's infuriating.
You have some very very important hard fought and learned qualities (that even someone who doesn't know you like me, can see) that your pos 'mom' didn't.
Your awareness.
Your obvious empathy
Your desire for light
Your insight
Your awareness that you can be the one to end the cycle, is everything
The road you described getting you to where you are currently, has left it's marks but also those lessons. You can be better and it sounds like you certainly are.
Take that knowledge in and remember THAT during those tongue biting times...
—just my 2 cents... 😉
💜💜 💜
1st Sep 2020 7:26pm
I deeply appreciate your 2 cents ❤
Realizing the behavior while its happening and changing it, I'm doing my best, but damn if I dont catch myself slipping into her skin. It depresses me. I was never allowed to be sad so I only know mad and extremely mad, it sucks. Yet I try. Lol.
Thank you Blue, for taking the time ❤
Realizing the behavior while its happening and changing it, I'm doing my best, but damn if I dont catch myself slipping into her skin. It depresses me. I was never allowed to be sad so I only know mad and extremely mad, it sucks. Yet I try. Lol.
Thank you Blue, for taking the time ❤
1st Sep 2020 7:50pm
Oh I hear you ... this is so relatable ... love the hangers ... my mother is always straightening out my clothes hanging in my closest ... how "f"ed up is that ...
1st Sep 2020 7:51pm
2nd Sep 2020 1:31am
Similar here, except I have to take care of her as everyone else is either dead or moved away from her ... Loads of fun ... Bless and love ... .
2nd Sep 2020 5:55pm
2nd Sep 2020 11:05pm
2nd Sep 2020 3:55am
Dear N,
I’ve often wondered why it is some folks think just because you share a bloodline and these people are called parents you have to be grateful to them and for them. You can’t be grateful or mourn what you never knew or had.
Your survival instincts are phenomenal! More to the point your creativity with your photos and poems run very deep with a lot of love to give and receive. I get sad now, a lot, but I was never allowed to be sad or mad even. Always had to be happy and thankful. Your write has opened up a pathway of sharing for me that has illuminated the fact that I wasn’t the only one isolated by the behavior of a parent. Thank you for that. H🌷
I’ve often wondered why it is some folks think just because you share a bloodline and these people are called parents you have to be grateful to them and for them. You can’t be grateful or mourn what you never knew or had.
Your survival instincts are phenomenal! More to the point your creativity with your photos and poems run very deep with a lot of love to give and receive. I get sad now, a lot, but I was never allowed to be sad or mad even. Always had to be happy and thankful. Your write has opened up a pathway of sharing for me that has illuminated the fact that I wasn’t the only one isolated by the behavior of a parent. Thank you for that. H🌷
2nd Sep 2020 6:00pm
We are not alone. Some of my closet friends are survivors of some weird shit at home. I gravitate towards people like that.
Strays. I can relate so deeply with them. ❤❤ thank you for your kind words. Heres to healing, I refuse to fuck with anyone who changes my spirit. Parent or anyone.
Strays. I can relate so deeply with them. ❤❤ thank you for your kind words. Heres to healing, I refuse to fuck with anyone who changes my spirit. Parent or anyone.
3rd Sep 2020 4:55am
3rd Sep 2020 7:53pm
Loved the poem....but I may have loved your comment following it more.. :)
5th Sep 2020 00:25am
