deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sickened love
He is, my greatest and only habitual addiction, but I am not his....
He voyages on the whims of sins shaken from the Devil's hooves.
My cries mistaken for rain on this fogged and
befriended window yet again. It shares of its cracks and
breaking that mimic the fragments of my once whole heart.
My beautiful youth shown in this window's reflection
many years. An older more regretful
face reflects in reply this evening, as I wait to see the dust clouds that trails behind his return when home is remembered.
And there he is once again.
Everything I love, in one body, in one exhale of relief, returning to
the surviving fool. I, the dependent one that keeps
comfort and necessity near and this mirage of marriage, married. I am the wife that wears the ring, sporting the jester's hat.
Vowed in chains that wraps
its strength around my blackened finger. He will never let me leave.... and I have not the will to abandon him as he does me.
I have found love within misery and
abandonment within need.... I hold on to what
days belong to me and nights when my
hands find not emptiness, but loves fond requests
from the purse of absence, I give in to hope.
I serve him my pleading words on a mirrored platter, he consumes as he does and
spits out another lie between his saddening sorries of meant words and family photos.
My sickened love is my own enemy and
my physical heart must find death to part from this everything of mine.
My frailty and fight lives to lose
another day. And I ? I will allow it to do so within my own twisted familiarity of love gone sour.
May death part us and my love restored to its proper, no matter the introduction. And still, I have yet to see, in fear of its depth, if for me, such a hope is even possible...
He voyages on the whims of sins shaken from the Devil's hooves.
My cries mistaken for rain on this fogged and
befriended window yet again. It shares of its cracks and
breaking that mimic the fragments of my once whole heart.
My beautiful youth shown in this window's reflection
many years. An older more regretful
face reflects in reply this evening, as I wait to see the dust clouds that trails behind his return when home is remembered.
And there he is once again.
Everything I love, in one body, in one exhale of relief, returning to
the surviving fool. I, the dependent one that keeps
comfort and necessity near and this mirage of marriage, married. I am the wife that wears the ring, sporting the jester's hat.
Vowed in chains that wraps
its strength around my blackened finger. He will never let me leave.... and I have not the will to abandon him as he does me.
I have found love within misery and
abandonment within need.... I hold on to what
days belong to me and nights when my
hands find not emptiness, but loves fond requests
from the purse of absence, I give in to hope.
I serve him my pleading words on a mirrored platter, he consumes as he does and
spits out another lie between his saddening sorries of meant words and family photos.
My sickened love is my own enemy and
my physical heart must find death to part from this everything of mine.
My frailty and fight lives to lose
another day. And I ? I will allow it to do so within my own twisted familiarity of love gone sour.
May death part us and my love restored to its proper, no matter the introduction. And still, I have yet to see, in fear of its depth, if for me, such a hope is even possible...
Published 29th Aug 2020
Author's Note
I am one of the many victims of loves personalities and the trials and pains we live, repeat and endure. A family victimized by meth and her hold upon my husband... She is the mistress who's seduction and power I cannot compete with ....
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 1
comments 1
reads 614
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
You've chosen to receive ' honest criticism', which is a rarity here. I'm relatively new to DUP and to writing poetry in general, but I know when I'm blown away... like I am now, after reading this poem.
You are brave in your openness. I feel your pain and that feeling of being alone even though you're with someone else sitting in the same room. A commitment that turns into a daily trial by fire. It's ability to tear away what originally made you, you, leaving a shell of something that resembles you. Perhaps a version of yourself you never ever thought would come to be.
So, I guess that's my long winded way of saying I relate to your particularly amazing write. I initially thought the layout was hard to read, in the end it only added to the experience.
Ty for sharing
I'm super blown away and I'm glad I stumbled upon your talent. I'm smart enough not to placate however not smart enough to want to still try anyway...
Get your own help or one particular interest.
Your own individual focus and laser that intensity into what you've chosen. That's if you have decided to stay. If that's the path you're continuing on (remaining in that relationship)
Self protection, distraction, whatever you want to to call it... do it. Your own outlet to keep only as yours. Having that 'oasis' in times when you need it most.
Just my humble opinion
Sending good vibes your way
(sorry for the opus.. lol)
🙏
B
You are brave in your openness. I feel your pain and that feeling of being alone even though you're with someone else sitting in the same room. A commitment that turns into a daily trial by fire. It's ability to tear away what originally made you, you, leaving a shell of something that resembles you. Perhaps a version of yourself you never ever thought would come to be.
So, I guess that's my long winded way of saying I relate to your particularly amazing write. I initially thought the layout was hard to read, in the end it only added to the experience.
Ty for sharing
I'm super blown away and I'm glad I stumbled upon your talent. I'm smart enough not to placate however not smart enough to want to still try anyway...
Get your own help or one particular interest.
Your own individual focus and laser that intensity into what you've chosen. That's if you have decided to stay. If that's the path you're continuing on (remaining in that relationship)
Self protection, distraction, whatever you want to to call it... do it. Your own outlet to keep only as yours. Having that 'oasis' in times when you need it most.
Just my humble opinion
Sending good vibes your way
(sorry for the opus.. lol)
🙏
B
