deepundergroundpoetry.com
A place most requisite
This much craved solace of a place, sought to alone the fight on fields of mentality's wars thought to break me, I love.
Hurts breeding with anger remedied, comforts the easing of mind as one in witness to the flight of sun shown in good omen through wings of a dove.
Falling armor weightless into it's feathered tales weaved not so false and far, whereby my descending skeleton is broken upon it's peace.
Nestled and rested mindings coils in sanctity, hidden and unnoticed in my return to innocence warmed beneath the earned grays safe in it's weathered fleece.
Giving ear to tongue and thought, marinating contemplation and outstretched reckonings of the wrongs to right themselves as they ought.
Abuse halts at the threshold before anviled doors lined with salt, striking the worlds attempts to wound and maim.
Strengthened and restored are the cornerstones of self and heart in this a quiet place of laid burdens and wetted flames.
These such places existing for the some, unknown to the uncreative and needed by the known and ignorant human in all. When is found unlucky and without signatured belonging, exists the exhaled perils of a mind before it's fall.
Hurts breeding with anger remedied, comforts the easing of mind as one in witness to the flight of sun shown in good omen through wings of a dove.
Falling armor weightless into it's feathered tales weaved not so false and far, whereby my descending skeleton is broken upon it's peace.
Nestled and rested mindings coils in sanctity, hidden and unnoticed in my return to innocence warmed beneath the earned grays safe in it's weathered fleece.
Giving ear to tongue and thought, marinating contemplation and outstretched reckonings of the wrongs to right themselves as they ought.
Abuse halts at the threshold before anviled doors lined with salt, striking the worlds attempts to wound and maim.
Strengthened and restored are the cornerstones of self and heart in this a quiet place of laid burdens and wetted flames.
These such places existing for the some, unknown to the uncreative and needed by the known and ignorant human in all. When is found unlucky and without signatured belonging, exists the exhaled perils of a mind before it's fall.
Published 10th Sep 2020
| Edited 11th Sep 2020
Author's Note
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43294/a-dialogue-of-self-and-soul
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
Thank you for participating in this Classic Corner Comp, Darkpoetria.
You chose a very ambitious poem by Yeats to inspire your emulation and you certainly rose to the occasion!
What you currently have is "poetic prose".
Please consider spacing the stanzas apart and aligning it to the Left; I think that would make your writing easier to read.
And then in so doing this, you can further discover how to put more emphasis on the statements within your sentences by structuring it as a "prose poem".
For example:
"This much craved solace of a place, sought to alone the fight on fields of mentality's wars thought to break me, I love. Hurts breeding with anger remedied, comforts the easing of mind as one in witness to the flight of sun shown in good omen through wings of a dove."
==========
"This much craved solace of a place, sought to alone the fight on fields of mentality's wars thought to break me, I love.
Hurts breeding with anger remedied, comforts the easing of mind as one in witness to the flight of sun shown in good omen through wings of a dove."
==========
"This ( now puts more emphasis on "I love" later on )
much craved solace of a place,
sought to alone the fight
on fields of mentality's wars
thought to break me, ( such a powerful line all by itself! )
I love.
Hurts
breeding with anger remedied,
comforts the easing of mind
as one in witness to the flight
of sun shown in good omen
through wings of a dove."
==========
Ultimately, what we are looking for in these challenges are poems, not prose.
A poem format allows your writing the opportunity to be more poetic. Such also naturally increases your entry's chances of scoring higher if we can access all of its poetic richness without getting a headache from processing the prose format.
Whatever you decide to do based on these suggestions, good luck in the judging!
You chose a very ambitious poem by Yeats to inspire your emulation and you certainly rose to the occasion!
What you currently have is "poetic prose".
Please consider spacing the stanzas apart and aligning it to the Left; I think that would make your writing easier to read.
And then in so doing this, you can further discover how to put more emphasis on the statements within your sentences by structuring it as a "prose poem".
For example:
"This much craved solace of a place, sought to alone the fight on fields of mentality's wars thought to break me, I love. Hurts breeding with anger remedied, comforts the easing of mind as one in witness to the flight of sun shown in good omen through wings of a dove."
==========
"This much craved solace of a place, sought to alone the fight on fields of mentality's wars thought to break me, I love.
Hurts breeding with anger remedied, comforts the easing of mind as one in witness to the flight of sun shown in good omen through wings of a dove."
==========
"This ( now puts more emphasis on "I love" later on )
much craved solace of a place,
sought to alone the fight
on fields of mentality's wars
thought to break me, ( such a powerful line all by itself! )
I love.
Hurts
breeding with anger remedied,
comforts the easing of mind
as one in witness to the flight
of sun shown in good omen
through wings of a dove."
==========
Ultimately, what we are looking for in these challenges are poems, not prose.
A poem format allows your writing the opportunity to be more poetic. Such also naturally increases your entry's chances of scoring higher if we can access all of its poetic richness without getting a headache from processing the prose format.
Whatever you decide to do based on these suggestions, good luck in the judging!
11th Sep 2020 2:56pm
Thank you for explaining, I agree in seeing the emphasis stand out more. Shall take it all in and apply it to my understanding and future efforts. Mahalo !🌺
16th Sep 2020 4:57am
This has the complexity of Yeats, I love the inspiring poem and what you did with it, yours sounds like him.
27th Nov 2022 1:28pm
