DxD: Dan and Dyllon

Dyllon and Dan, Dan and Dyllon: two daft, delinquent deviants who love penile destruction; a couple of dinguses that debate, then masturbate, on a tiny dinghy. These two slack-jawed doofuses love nothing more than to stick their curly, pig-tailed willies into each other's pert bum — all the while munching on fresh, creamy gravy-covered pita chips. So great is their love that not even the succulent breasts of E-layn Wunderbar, the hot MILF who has kept her pussy bubblegum-tight since God flooded the Earth (Side note: These toffee peanuts I'm monching on right now are too hard, and YES, I did say 'monching'—oh I need a water BRB).
Anyway, God created man, man created hentai, God abandoned man, and here we are.
So these two lovely homosexual homo sapiens were minding their own business, yuckin' up having a gay olde time, when suddenly a bottle fell out of the sky from a passing 747. Dan tried rubbing it like Dyllon's cock in the hopes of a genie coming out. Dan was disappointed at the ineptitude of his partner: this is a plastic bottle, so clearly the opening must be fingered in the same manner as one would with the anus (a 'boy pussy' if you will – a 'bussy'). So off Dan went; he rubbed and rubbed and fingered and fiddled with the bottle until he developed a burn on his finger. Thankfully, Dyllon was there to sensually suck on the finger like a mock penis so that it will heal sooner. Befuddled by all of their two attempts at making something happen, the dastardly pair decided to leave the bottle on the ground and move on.
Unfortunately a douchebag cop was in the bushes waiting for them and proceeded to arrest them both for littering, then adding 3 counts of attempted murder because the judge has diabetes and that makes sense in this setting. The pair then spent the next several years doing their best to avoid getting pounded in the butt by unwanted guests at Florence Supermax, saving their juicy B-holes for only themselves. They met Teddy K and spent many a night discussing politics and the feasibility of a return to pre-industrial societies. Then they both died of penile cancer caused by HPV. Get vaccinated, folks.