Crying In The Shower

outside the bathroom window
the sun shines bright today
i don't really pay attention to it though
inside i have other things to deal with
like the storm inside me that needs to be let out
so i step into the shower
and turn the water on
as hot as it can go
and i sit beneath its scalding spray
letting my back turn dark red
I hardly notice the sting
over the crashing tsunami
of overwhelming pain within me
sitting with my knees up to my chest
my arms wrapped tightly around them
the water stabbing my back
like bits of shrapnel
i am numb to the sensation
as i sit there
towel stuffed in my mouth
so no one can hear me scream
100% cotton dyed an aquamarine blue
the only thing keeping the world
from hearing the wracking sobs
that spasm and sputter randomly
from my already tired body
as my eyes
pour salty, bitter tears
like a river
they leave tracks
down my scrunched and red face
5 minutes..
that's what i give myself...
5 minutes to fall apart
and then i start the process
of putting myself back together
and pasting on a smile
that hasn't felt real
in years
This is my life...
Are you satisfied?