Wing

Oh, beautiful, sensual. Intimate...

Hullo lady

yes, I must hold my hand up to being  all those things. ...but enough about me,  what did you think of the poem. haha :)-


many thanks for your eyes, presence and words, lady

Lol

Much like breathing My Good Man!!!
You gather true peace here E...Light shining bright!!!
Damn if that ending doesn't hit Perfect!!!

Hullo

ahh,  breathing I can do :)- p'raps breeding as well haha

much thanks for your words here, good fellow of the forest. always a pleasure

Mo Chara Daor...

This piece speaks to the Romantic side of my soul!  I can just picture that hotel lobby....and how the narrator o n l y had eyes for his beautiful heart's desire, and how nothing else mattered at all! And the emotions within,,,you have made them seem so veRRy palpable!

This one is touchingly lovey...with such a perfect ending to a perfect Day!  ( S i g h ...)  And....(smiles) your "softer" side is coming thru, and i truly enjoy getting a glimpse of this, now and again!

Keep Safe....ALWAYS!!!

ah, Dia dhuit a chara , agus conna ata tu

you picture it very well, enchanted one. I feel it is a testament to my brilliant recounting abilities, haha  I jest  ...mostly

I can get the romance on, and with good reason !!

thanks for dropping in and leaving your dainty footprint, lady


apologies for the late reply

gorgeous, mate! you're on another level now since the last time i read your work.  
 
small edit: sent* the blood. unless you're quickly jumping into 3rd person for one line. well, half a line.

Hullo there, good fellow. Hope you're doing well this weather, apologies for late reply

no doubt I have posted some questionable properties, haha, thanks for bearing with me. I'll get on that edit right away

thanks for your presence and words, good sir

Beautifully intimate, a subtle sing song to the cadence lending perfectly to it's mien. Nothing belabored or superfluous. Romance with the purity of candor resonates. It's great work mate.

Hullo, good fellow

It pleases me much you have such high praise for this little ditty. thanks muchy for it, and indeed for dropping by to check the words out in the first place

oh my god Eamonn this is gorgeous such a perfect thing
a oneness with another so beautiful ❤

Lady, you're gorgeous

Thanks much for your words and presence. Much appreciated

What a beautiful and intimate piece. You really guided us through the moves with this one. Very nice and painted a nice scene 👌👍

Hullo, good person

happy you found it worthy of a read and thank you most much for dropping by and leaving your words

I've been missing in action on DU but I'm very glad to stop by today and bear witness to your wonderful words. Always a pleasure reading your work, Eamonn !  

Tony, my friend

Great to see you back after some great accomplishments elsewhere. always a pleasure to read you

thanks much, man

Hullo

Cheers, man. thanks much for your eyes and words

Steal the moments where you can then capture them to memory, to make them last

Hullo and welcome

I think what you said should be in the first page of the poet's handbook :),

thanks  for dropping by and leaving your thought print

:)

i never know when people really want honest critique or if they just want people to be nice. i'm going assume you can handle honest critique.

firstly:
it is a great poem. your word economy is spot on and i appreciate that you don't turn into a wordy bastard over this thing.

secondly:
touch of her lips on mine    
send the blood    
where it needed to be

should that say 'sent the blood' ?

thirdly:
held hands while the rain    
rained down  

i can't decide if you got tired and used lazy language or if it is simple and fits the poem quite well. i'm leaning more towards lazy language, but...i'm not going to hate it as is.

fourthly:
while she dried her hair,    
lay next to me    

i think 'lay next to me' could be a line unto itself. it would give it a bit more weight and then set up that drifting ending quite well.

fifthly:
speaking of that drifting ending. i'm not sold on the last two lines. i think you could set it up as

lay next to me

every other thing

faded away

and completely ax the last two lines. i don't need my poems to wrap up nicely in a little bow. but of course, this is your poem. not mine. so do with it as you will!

sixthly:
this really is well done! i love that it is nonchalant and urgent all at the same time. i love that it is honest and hopeful and vulnerable all wrapped up in one poem. and even though i said there were things i would change, if you leave it exactly as it is, it is spectacular.

Hullo

I thought I clicked the be nice to me box, which was fortunate 'cos you were


3dly, I'd like to take credits for keeping rain rained for it's well fitting-ness. but, probably lazy more than anything. I wonder if I'd get away with something like: the lion lioned or the crow crowed. p'raps both for different reasons. something to mull. I'll have to think about how to tweak that line

I'm going to try giving lay next to me its own line, see how it reads and also use sent, and most likely axe the final couplet

much thanks for your eyes and words, lady. I especially liked the firstly and sixthly aspects :)-

My comment isn't anywhere near as smart (who is??! that comment above was amazing) or ringing with years upon years of writing experience.
It's just a simple, "This was moving and it spoke to me" kind of drop in message.
I don't know much, but I know what I like.
That's a nice thought, too. Knowing that something you created spoke to to another.
Or something like that.....
Being new, I'm continually blown away by all the sheer talent here. You're in another league all together.
So, I'll thank you for your lovely poem and hope that my yammerings that I post aren't complete and utter embarrassing shite... Lol
A girl can hope.

*tips my hat

Hullo, and you are most welcome here

your words are your thoughts so that makes them most valid. I remember being new here, totally understand how you feel


thanks bunches for your visit and most much for your utterings, they're appreciated

*tip o the hat(*

I love this piece.

Favourite part:

touch of her lips on mine      
sent the blood      
where it needed to be      

Hullo, Lady of the yellow dress

welcome back !! and thanks bunches  for dropping in to this poem/ poet and leaving your footprint

*NICE*

THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

dear lepperochan

i like how the title feathers the p0meing

a warm smile
silent lotus

~

hullo Silent lotus

nice turn of phrase there, good fellow. thanks much for dropping by and leaving your thoughts