why are you so stupid

why are you so fuckin stupid
you let everything real slip through your hands
you let your sons go you let your home everything go
and did you do it for anything worth all the pain?
this is the coldest night of my life
my world collapses on a dime
i wanna go home so bad,
id give anything up to go back in time
to be in the middle of the worst day in our lives
if i wasnt so fucking stupid if i wasnt so lonely
look what all this popularity got me
im so fucking stupid i miss my kids so bad
my heart hurts to the point i wish id die
nothing not drugs not any alcohol could have any baering on my loss

id give my life for five minutes with him
i never did my ex like this i wouldnt
they took my only reason
so now he becomes an excuse
i could have seen him today but
my ex found out and came to get him
my heart is so broken
id die right now just to escape this pain
even if im straight hes gone god forgive me
i never truley felt so low
if you want me to know how stupid i am you win i know
please god take it away
im so sick
my mind rattles like a garbage can on a windy day
thats whats up there right trash
a whole lotta stinkin thinkin
when does it get easier cause im clean
how long do i deal with all the bad shit
im so fuckin stupid so theres me letting go
dont care much if you guys didt wanna know
i needed to just put that out there infantile
it may be if i didnt i would have let it bleed out my wrists so now i feel alittle less like killing myself because i was that low but maybe i dont have the strength
maybe thats not strength at all
i wanna have it happen naturaully but natraully theres a concept
i wish everyday that god would take my life cause im so much a fuckin fool nothing about my life feels good nothing
i cant stop what i do and dont seem to want to i love the pain
it makes me know im alive even as i lay here dieing i hate this world and everything but my kids in it
and a few poets off here anyway all of you cause you have the guts to say whats on your mind ive loved it here
im so fucking dead inside everything that pours like wine frommy fingertips im so sick with the total beauty of torturing yourself you need no master tobow before in submition
you cower before your own thoughts im dieing inside
s
so this is stupidiity at its finest so thanks for listening or not this is my self poem and thats all