Relapse

As light filtered through the cracks
In the dawn of my relapse
Was walking proudly on the pavement
And had woke up inside the gaps
If I could just turn back,
To a less toxic part of time,
Illuminated signs that clearly
Recognised my lies, I ask why,
But i feel i'm still there in denial,
Can't speak my crimes, my secrecy
I'll never stand on trial, I'm just vile,
Can't bear the sight of my own reflection,
They say that my addiction is
An illness and infliction,
 but all I seem to witness
Is an impossible position
To change my life, have the strength to fight
To overcome and beat this.
My own weakness,
So I'll just lay here in the dark,
Fixated on that flint of light that's broken into a thousand shards, but from afar,
Even light doubts, can see I'm jaded,
And the hope that burned inside of me has faded and dissipated.
What a waste.
It's truly a crying shame.
If i was to now dissappear
Who on earth would say my name.