Never free within

Damn do I hate this state of mind
 I seem to gravitate to
whenever I let some little ass incident
or irregular interaction
irk me..

Never free within,
it's demonstrated over and over again,
my demons never hesitate
to hijack my headspace
leaving me helpless and stuck,
watching my being and behavior buffer
in real time
suddenly I stutter,
I'm a goner,
malfunctioning mind
has me feeling confined and ashamed,
deranged and baffled
at my bizarre ways.

You see I was always
the weird one I felt
and the alienated,
 chronic thinker,
escapist
watching time get wasted,
overwhelmed by the occasional
cerebral catastrophe
offering no clues as to when a meltdown may occur
 so you can be sure as shit
that you'll be stumped as fuck when
your thoughts don't seem to
translate so clearly
or escape from your mouth
as originally assumed.