deepundergroundpoetry.com
Tight Rope.
Baby, I've been walking on your tight-rope
for far too long now.
Teetering on the edge of lunacy,
in hopes of a different finale.
But we both know how this show always ends.
Broken dreams, better than broken bones.
Then again, who really needs them
when they're used up and frail,
hollowed from our heart-shaped acrobatics.
One foot, in front of the other.
My shaky legs beg for your attention,
longing for the chance to be your main attraction.
I'm up in the air, back and forth.
Plastered smiles to fool the crowds.
But you're far too grounded.
Doing the same things over
one hundred and forty three times,
waiting for a different conclusion.
We're the dictionary-definition of insanity.
You'd think it would have gotten old after a decade.
But the 'end' draws near again, it always does.
My chest flutters and I free-fall,
blinded by the faith of your outstretched arms.
But I can't help but wonder, darling...
will you always be there to catch me?
for far too long now.
Teetering on the edge of lunacy,
in hopes of a different finale.
But we both know how this show always ends.
Broken dreams, better than broken bones.
Then again, who really needs them
when they're used up and frail,
hollowed from our heart-shaped acrobatics.
One foot, in front of the other.
My shaky legs beg for your attention,
longing for the chance to be your main attraction.
I'm up in the air, back and forth.
Plastered smiles to fool the crowds.
But you're far too grounded.
Doing the same things over
one hundred and forty three times,
waiting for a different conclusion.
We're the dictionary-definition of insanity.
You'd think it would have gotten old after a decade.
But the 'end' draws near again, it always does.
My chest flutters and I free-fall,
blinded by the faith of your outstretched arms.
But I can't help but wonder, darling...
will you always be there to catch me?
Published 17th Feb 2020
| Edited 18th Feb 2020
Author's Note
The circus inside my head
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
17th Feb 2020 12:47pm
This is very well expressed, CCE.
In the spirit of your request for honest critique, I would offer the following:
Firstly, watch your consistency regarding your caps and lowercase line starts. For example, the first two stanzas utilize both, while the remainder use only all caps. Either/or is find, and completely acceptable in poetry; however, beginnings typically set the tone of the poem; therefore, if after the first two stanzas I am used to only the beginning of sentences beginning with caps, then it throws off the read somewhat if it ends with all caps.
Secondly, watch your punctuation, particularly after the semicolon.
Broken dreams; Better than broken bones.
A semicolon connects two independent clauses ( complete sentences ). While the latter qualifies, 'Broken dreams' is a fragment; therefore, a comma would be more appropriate.
Broken dreams, better than broken bones.
We have a punctuation workshop going on over in the workshop thread if you'd like to peruse it:
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/workshop/read/11235/
Outside of those minor things, the poem is very well-written ad expressed. It's a solid message because many do worry about the outcome, which prevents them from fully enjoying the present.
In the spirit of your request for honest critique, I would offer the following:
Firstly, watch your consistency regarding your caps and lowercase line starts. For example, the first two stanzas utilize both, while the remainder use only all caps. Either/or is find, and completely acceptable in poetry; however, beginnings typically set the tone of the poem; therefore, if after the first two stanzas I am used to only the beginning of sentences beginning with caps, then it throws off the read somewhat if it ends with all caps.
Secondly, watch your punctuation, particularly after the semicolon.
Broken dreams; Better than broken bones.
A semicolon connects two independent clauses ( complete sentences ). While the latter qualifies, 'Broken dreams' is a fragment; therefore, a comma would be more appropriate.
Broken dreams, better than broken bones.
We have a punctuation workshop going on over in the workshop thread if you'd like to peruse it:
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/workshop/read/11235/
Outside of those minor things, the poem is very well-written ad expressed. It's a solid message because many do worry about the outcome, which prevents them from fully enjoying the present.
17th Feb 2020 11:50pm
Thanks for the advice and the link, I'll definitely check it out. I'm used to story writing lately and I guess having an editor has made my punctuation suffer :p
Always appriciate your great feedback ♡
Always appriciate your great feedback ♡
19th Feb 2020 2:57am
Worrying about the minutiae of punctuation is for prose, CeeCee. School papers and resumes. Poetry is where you paint outside the lines. Where 2 and 2 equals 5, and maybe there is a phantom 1, standing just behind the curtain. Your poem has all the essential elements: the direct candor of the epistle style, the honest emotion and vulnerability. I love heart shaped acrobatics. I like your poetry. Thank you for sharing with us.
20th Nov 2020 9:43am
Agrees with Daniel.. Poetry is indeed a free fall.. a dig from the truthful abyss.. that's only felt.. & that only a poetic soul could being out... You do it well .. Brimming with strirrring emotions, I feel tears tiding in uproariously in feltness & adamantine lumps never going off in my throats.. you are a poet to watch out.. seamless flow & engulfing emotions.. write on x:)
