deepundergroundpoetry.com
Selective effective
Life is the hardest thing about death
I always say under my breath
So I wonder aimlessly everyday
Alot of questions never seeming to have answers
Just like the government having the cure for cancers
Or will someone love me like I love them
Leaving me in a world in which I'm condemned
Will the sun shine on my face today
Will this feeling of emptiness go away
Living with myself sickens me so
For this effective started long time ago
I know this pain is not all of mine
It has been carried thru my bloodline
Wondering everyday that passes me by
Will it stop with me: for my kids it will amplify
I know my feelings are not all there
To kill all of these feeling is my only care
Nothing ever seems to make no sense
But I still go on; this bullshit continue commence
It is so hard being who I am
Trying to love and give a damn
So I write to let go of me
No matter what I do their is no guarantee
I sit here with my pencil; mistakes I can erase
For I make alot of mistakes, but I can always replace
I wish their is something that "I" can do
A better life I wish to pursue
Sometimes it's easier said than done
When life pushes me down: it weighs a ton
Not having anyone to help with this load
For this time I have to travel down this lonely road
I wish I could hold my life in my hand
I could mold it to make me understand
Why am I the person that draws the shortest straw
Time to cut my losses and to withdraw
I am so so tired of fighting for life
A puppet I will sever the strings with a knife
No longer will they have control of my mind
For I always wanted to be one of a kind
I pray that it stops with me
My kids grow older; I will have to see
For they dont need to feel like I do
I want them to have their own view
To see this world thru many eyes
People afraid of the truth and spread so many lies
I just want to be myself as one
Why can't all of this be undone
I want to feel wild and free
For some reason my mind won't leave me be
Playing it's little twisted games
All of my life; my soul it claims
I end my suicide note with these words
For in life my death has it's rewards
I will end all of this mess
For my life; I've failed my test
I always say under my breath
So I wonder aimlessly everyday
Alot of questions never seeming to have answers
Just like the government having the cure for cancers
Or will someone love me like I love them
Leaving me in a world in which I'm condemned
Will the sun shine on my face today
Will this feeling of emptiness go away
Living with myself sickens me so
For this effective started long time ago
I know this pain is not all of mine
It has been carried thru my bloodline
Wondering everyday that passes me by
Will it stop with me: for my kids it will amplify
I know my feelings are not all there
To kill all of these feeling is my only care
Nothing ever seems to make no sense
But I still go on; this bullshit continue commence
It is so hard being who I am
Trying to love and give a damn
So I write to let go of me
No matter what I do their is no guarantee
I sit here with my pencil; mistakes I can erase
For I make alot of mistakes, but I can always replace
I wish their is something that "I" can do
A better life I wish to pursue
Sometimes it's easier said than done
When life pushes me down: it weighs a ton
Not having anyone to help with this load
For this time I have to travel down this lonely road
I wish I could hold my life in my hand
I could mold it to make me understand
Why am I the person that draws the shortest straw
Time to cut my losses and to withdraw
I am so so tired of fighting for life
A puppet I will sever the strings with a knife
No longer will they have control of my mind
For I always wanted to be one of a kind
I pray that it stops with me
My kids grow older; I will have to see
For they dont need to feel like I do
I want them to have their own view
To see this world thru many eyes
People afraid of the truth and spread so many lies
I just want to be myself as one
Why can't all of this be undone
I want to feel wild and free
For some reason my mind won't leave me be
Playing it's little twisted games
All of my life; my soul it claims
I end my suicide note with these words
For in life my death has it's rewards
I will end all of this mess
For my life; I've failed my test
Published 5th Jan 2012
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Anonymous
- Edited 3rd May 2022 5:45am
5th Jan 2012 1:22pm
<< post removed >>
5th Jan 2012 10:02pm
Thank you for the comment Adio. It maybe a struggle but I still keep pushing.
5th Jan 2012 5:30pm
Friend; allow me to radiate light into your darkness,
ease your mind with gentleness.
never believe you walk alone,
for even in our desolation there is always a place to call home.
Gypsy red
ease your mind with gentleness.
never believe you walk alone,
for even in our desolation there is always a place to call home.
Gypsy red
5th Jan 2012 10:09pm
I really appreciate the sun shine. This actually my suicide note on sept 3 2008 in which I did try to commit. I lost my family and could not take it anymore. So I floored my car and never turned the wheel. 21 hours in surgery and two weeks in a coma somehow it wasn't my time. My whole support theam said I shouldn't haves lived hitting a wall at that speed. I thank you for the comment. I will go when the man upstairs will take me;)
I am glad you are still here with us for if not, how could we learn the lessons you impart in your work. Maybe that is what your calling is. I do understand intimately loss, despair and inconsolable pain, although it pales in caparison with your loss.Friend: I wish you strength, peace and much light to carry you through the sorrows that haunt your of life.
Sincerely,
Gypsy red
Sincerely,
Gypsy red
I want to feel wild and free
For some reason my mind won't leave me be
Playing it's little twisted games
All of my life; my soul it claims
((Wo.Ow))
traversing the expanse of ones life experience trials and errors--- i always say *trials and efforts.
Life is a beautiful struggle and with so many ppl in the world you are not alone. Being alone is a choice and that choice is at times better than being with someone. When alone you are our true Self.
Selective effective-- justifiably so; nice title.
Elective effects
Selective sects
Inventive invests
Relative retests
For some reason my mind won't leave me be
Playing it's little twisted games
All of my life; my soul it claims
((Wo.Ow))
traversing the expanse of ones life experience trials and errors--- i always say *trials and efforts.
Life is a beautiful struggle and with so many ppl in the world you are not alone. Being alone is a choice and that choice is at times better than being with someone. When alone you are our true Self.
Selective effective-- justifiably so; nice title.
Elective effects
Selective sects
Inventive invests
Relative retests
5th Jan 2012 10:19pm
Thank you for commenting my write. I know now that I am not alone. Like I said ^ there this was actually my suicide note. I was going thru some junk of mine and I found it. So I wanted to share this all my friends here on DUP. I go to group every week and I realize that their is always someone who as it worse. Now I use writing has a form of cognitive therapy. It seems to work, but it does piss me off at times. I can't transfer what is in my head and my heart to my hand. Once again thank you
