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what remained within: the same death on prayer.
…noticed their claps, their fervor. The applause after
and then noted the time of each one's departure – wrist-watch finger tapped
as each transit of their leaving struggled up the drive.
what remains …. remained after this fucked-up speech – for what-ever damned lord it could ever serve.
that a lantern should flicker hell and its staircase into this ballroom
Making sure that it was no coincidence of what remained in this over-bearing room
could any one … would one be enough to notice
or look away
at those who flicking ash of cigarette onto stone immolations
would remark a statue's sway in a lighter's light
… remained after a posited feathered breast of eider, patent leather
mirror stilettoed marble floor-marks
my own lark, cuff-linked month of May portrait,
a pseudonym - oh trysts with the tailor
the trust in the tie ‘ knot
and Japanese scents
guarding gardens, their lure of home
and gulls flock in my eyes as they blink
of the ever of letting-go, its under-currents turn the gaze, alert attentions
boar-wild. of intentions that do not spark the fire
in the fire place of this room
a key for some other……
locked partitioned room, hidden away in other fingers of the house
its lock lays, away from the main building;
corridor of corners,… cornices candled, of the gable ends, leading through,
these thoroughbred oak-wide doors,
through wing to the room
and torn-chintz and laced curtains begging to be swept open in the morning
breakers possessed from the multitudes
from all the hysteria of all
how can I keep anything to myself
keep any of these thoughts to myself
make them go
like the sun
become burning before they become revoked.
and then noted the time of each one's departure – wrist-watch finger tapped
as each transit of their leaving struggled up the drive.
what remains …. remained after this fucked-up speech – for what-ever damned lord it could ever serve.
that a lantern should flicker hell and its staircase into this ballroom
Making sure that it was no coincidence of what remained in this over-bearing room
could any one … would one be enough to notice
or look away
at those who flicking ash of cigarette onto stone immolations
would remark a statue's sway in a lighter's light
… remained after a posited feathered breast of eider, patent leather
mirror stilettoed marble floor-marks
my own lark, cuff-linked month of May portrait,
a pseudonym - oh trysts with the tailor
the trust in the tie ‘ knot
and Japanese scents
guarding gardens, their lure of home
and gulls flock in my eyes as they blink
of the ever of letting-go, its under-currents turn the gaze, alert attentions
boar-wild. of intentions that do not spark the fire
in the fire place of this room
a key for some other……
locked partitioned room, hidden away in other fingers of the house
its lock lays, away from the main building;
corridor of corners,… cornices candled, of the gable ends, leading through,
these thoroughbred oak-wide doors,
through wing to the room
and torn-chintz and laced curtains begging to be swept open in the morning
breakers possessed from the multitudes
from all the hysteria of all
how can I keep anything to myself
keep any of these thoughts to myself
make them go
like the sun
become burning before they become revoked.
Published 8th Jan 2020
| Edited 23rd May 2020
Author's Note
Thanks to Missy's tutorials and a lot of squirming around have finally managed to do this video. though obviously not perfect it is a start.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
8th Jan 2020 9:13pm
Bloody hell I would pay a high price to view the morning as you do. This is beautiful reading, and some of the lines are absolutely divine:
at those who flicking ash of cigarette onto stone immolations
would remark a statues sway in a lighters light
the trust in the tie ‘ knot
and Japanese scents
guarding gardens, their lure of home
Actually, the entire third stanza is remarkable, not just the above excerpt.
of the ever of letting-go, its under-currents turn the gaze, alert attentions
boar-wild. of intentions that do not spark the fire
in the fire place of this room
JESUS.
The imagery of all you observe before and when arriving at those curtains, described in such detail is amazing. Simply amazing. And that ending, Christ in a poem it's perfect. Absolutely. Like recording a dream before it becomes reality.
In the spirit of honest critique, just a few things:
one(')s departure
would remark a statue(')s sway in a lighter(')s light <-- sheesh what a line
it's lock lays ( its* )
Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece of poetry.
at those who flicking ash of cigarette onto stone immolations
would remark a statues sway in a lighters light
the trust in the tie ‘ knot
and Japanese scents
guarding gardens, their lure of home
Actually, the entire third stanza is remarkable, not just the above excerpt.
of the ever of letting-go, its under-currents turn the gaze, alert attentions
boar-wild. of intentions that do not spark the fire
in the fire place of this room
JESUS.
The imagery of all you observe before and when arriving at those curtains, described in such detail is amazing. Simply amazing. And that ending, Christ in a poem it's perfect. Absolutely. Like recording a dream before it becomes reality.
In the spirit of honest critique, just a few things:
one(')s departure
would remark a statue(')s sway in a lighter(')s light <-- sheesh what a line
it's lock lays ( its* )
Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece of poetry.
9th Jan 2020 11:48am
just wanted to thank you Ahavati. I am sorry that i am not replying much but as always I do so appreciate your comments. so very encouraging and thoughtful. thanks again.
9th Jan 2020 12:42pm
8th Jan 2020 9:48pm
I've been over this a few times in contemplative admiration. Powerful technique, opening mid action, with observations that immediately pique interest. The details are so sharp, they fork tongues of lightning off the screen. It's not something I commonly experience in writing, that cutting edge. Your voice is a singularity, I think it's a brilliant write, a tour de force, subject matter so salient to the zeitgeist. I would love it if you would send an audio to the site's podcast, The Poetcast Project. If you would be amenable, please send an audio file, including your screen name and the title, to:
undergroundoutloud@outlook.com
Audios grant fuller dimensions in your unique vocal inflections, I find, plus it would introduce your writing to our peers on site, which would surely be enriched by the discovery. Member participation is the life's blood of the podcast, so I hope you will consider it.
With respect,
Daniel
undergroundoutloud@outlook.com
Audios grant fuller dimensions in your unique vocal inflections, I find, plus it would introduce your writing to our peers on site, which would surely be enriched by the discovery. Member participation is the life's blood of the podcast, so I hope you will consider it.
With respect,
Daniel
9th Jan 2020 00:26am
again pls give me time but i will definitely consider this as i do very much like the podcast. thank you so much.
12th Jan 2020 6:49pm
8th Feb 2020 10:53pm
your timing is a thing of beauty, the reveal of emotion via architecture surprising and a great pun about structures and their relevance to the private connections desired by an individual to the undefinable questions we all have pestering.
8th Feb 2020 11:39pm
of a base...looking-up from a wash- basin that is not me but looking and regarding up to a talent of someone o ther.
thanks, am always inspired by writers like youx
thanks, am always inspired by writers like youx
Anonymous
23rd May 2020 10:38am
As I’ve mentioned before, it honestly warms my heart when somebody gives it a go. Not because of how it makes me feel, but because it’s a testament to the fact that anybody can do it when they put their mind to it. And that’s worth more to me than anything.
The tone of your voice is perfect for this style of writing, because it effortlessly communicates the emotion laced between the cluster sparks of description that weave their way through your words.
“corridor of corners,… cornices candled, of the gable ends, leading through,
these thoroughbred oak-wide doors,
through wing to the room”
I think this was my favourite part because of the subtle alliteration (excellent spoken tool) to pinpoint an image. I’d also argue that gable ends and oak are some of the most beautiful words in the English language. So to anchor them into a poem made the piece more of a visual painting than a set of words. It reminds me of the film Donnie Darko when someone remarks that “cellar door” is one of the most beautiful phrases in the English language. I guess some words just get under your skin.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you well on your next spoken word endeavour.
-M
The tone of your voice is perfect for this style of writing, because it effortlessly communicates the emotion laced between the cluster sparks of description that weave their way through your words.
“corridor of corners,… cornices candled, of the gable ends, leading through,
these thoroughbred oak-wide doors,
through wing to the room”
I think this was my favourite part because of the subtle alliteration (excellent spoken tool) to pinpoint an image. I’d also argue that gable ends and oak are some of the most beautiful words in the English language. So to anchor them into a poem made the piece more of a visual painting than a set of words. It reminds me of the film Donnie Darko when someone remarks that “cellar door” is one of the most beautiful phrases in the English language. I guess some words just get under your skin.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you well on your next spoken word endeavour.
-M
23rd May 2020 10:49am
Thank you so much.
was naturally apprehensive about my voice as I am not of course used to this, so thanks for the kind words and encoragement. i would have wasted at least a week of utter frustration if it was not for your tutorials which i completely recommend.
am now looking forward to doing some more.
thanks again Missy
was naturally apprehensive about my voice as I am not of course used to this, so thanks for the kind words and encoragement. i would have wasted at least a week of utter frustration if it was not for your tutorials which i completely recommend.
am now looking forward to doing some more.
thanks again Missy
Oh holy god Andrew
and gulls flock in my eyes as they blink
Love
Jennifer
and gulls flock in my eyes as they blink
Love
Jennifer
