The Word and Verse                                       Issue 3 - P2

Zoom Out:[/font]
 
 
Oh Yeah?
 
The trouble with Auld Lang Syne
 
Most of us will be croaking it out at 12.00AM New Years Day, and after taking the opportunity to go kissing every available pair of  
lips will raise a toast to Robert Burns. The trouble with that is, it seems that Burns never actually wrote it. There is a school of  
thought that says he mixed and matched two songs and another that he wrote half of it.
 
I found this on wikipedia.
 
Robert Burns sent a copy of the original song to the Scots Musical Museum with the remark, “The following song, an old song, of  
the olden times, and which has never been in print, nor even in manuscript until I took it down from an old man." The Burns  
Society rejects this claim and are adamant that it was Burn's own work paying no heed to the fact that the earliest mention of the  
song was "Old Long Syne" printed in 1711 by James Watson some years before Burns was born.    -SR
 
 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auld_Lang_Syne#History
 
--------
**Exactly which other cartoon characters could we use to scare the shit out of poor jolais?
.............................................................................................................
 
The Muggle World Guide to 2011: Rapid Fire
 
 
Right, listen up, because this is the fastest damn world roundup you’ll ever clap ears on. This year has been a bitch of bitches,  
yet still, as always, filled with wonders, so here is my list of shit that mattered.
 
Natural disasters: We saw big earthquakes in Japan, New Zealand and elsewhere, which the Japanese had to top with a  
deadly and scary-as-fuck Tsunami. (It amazes me how relaxed the Japanese are about these things; I rang my Japanese mate  
while it was happening and all he wanted to talk about was partying….”ah so, big rave, big rave”).  
 
So, a salute to our Japanese friends for making their buildings so earthquake proof, and a brickbat to the bastards for not making  
their Nuclear reactors Tsunami proof.
 
Iraq: The Americans are getting the fuck out and political chaos is getting back in. There is a power vacuum, which will be  
bloody and protracted. It is how we are.
 
The Ocean, the beautiful ocean: There is a new expression in our language. “the oceans are dying”. That is the most fucked  
up thing that will be on this list today. Everything else here is mostly our own human noise, that stops us thinking about the big  
things. We have removed 90. Fucking. Percent. Of. All. The. Life. In . the. Ocean.  A dead ocean will lead to wars folks. That is  
a truth. Even if you don’t give a fuck about the ocean, give a fuck about the next generations. Get hold of a list, produced by your  
local Greenies, that tells you what fish you should and shouldn’t eat in your area. Choose smart.  
 
7 billion people: There are too many of us. What does a shortage of resources lead to? See above. The solution is education  
for women. That works everywhere, every time, to lower the birthrate. I would get myself shot in several countries in the world for  
writing that sentence, and there is the problem. Women need a voice, and not the type of crazy man/women female that has  
had to learn to bloke her way through politics.
 
Speak sisters speak. Speak to your sons. Speak to your men. Speak to your fathers. Lead.  
 
Global warming accord: There isn’t one. We won’t have one until 2020 at the earliest, which frankly means we’ve missed it.  
All we have to do now is decide on the CO2 limit we can live with. Whatever limit we choose will kill people and harm the planet.  
People will need to move in large numbers away from places like Bangladesh, and they will not always be welcome, and they  
will not always come in peace. That is how we are.
 
Gaddafi and his end: Colonel Gaddafi came to his people a hero, and left with a knife up his arse. That is how far you can  
fall. We shall remember here that Gaddafi came to power with the blessing and assistance of western powers. We should also re-
member that the people spoke, and must be allowed to continue to speak. Gaddafi’s gruesome and brutal death has left a power  
vacuum, which may be filling as we speak. Here is a wish for a sane future in Libya, at least until their oil runs out, then we  
won’t care so much.
 
The fat lazy Greeks: The EU is a stumbling drunk man in a boxing match at the moment. The whole thing was kicked off  
by the EU having to many countries that are not financially strong or have socialist tendencies. Europe has forgotten how to work,  
and the Greeks were doing the not-working the hardest. Now we all realize that the Europeans have been living on credit and weak  
banks, and their current solution is to form a really big bank from which to print Euros. Good luck with that. Zimbabwe tried that  
and it worked…never. Seriously, Europe, harden the fuck up and go broke.  
 
 
The US: The US is a mess right now. Lets name a few ways:
 
1. the US economy has been built, in a large part, by the military-industrial complex and their own internal economy. The debt  
crisis has forced the US to cut back on military spending which has led to less internal industry, so they can’t sell their shit to  
each other. Big problem.
 
2. The US is losing its cool factor, on a larger scale than ever before.
 
3. China owns them, which also means they own China, who own them….good luck with all that.
 
4. Their democratic system has been hijacked by a rancid right wing dumb-as-dirt bunch of do-gooder fucking sissies. Yes it has.  
Change takes courage, but getting together and complaining, that just takes talk-show campaigns.
 
5. The war on drugs. How much money and lives they gonna pour into that before they admit what everyone knows and research  
has shown for years. Legalize personal use, regulate, tax and educate. Figure it out you dumb cunts.
 
6. Their immigrant problem from Mexico. The US needs cheap labor, so why the fuck are they building fences? And why aren’t  
they spending money on Mexico? The only conclusion is that a financially strong Mexico is perceived as a bad thing inside the  
Pentagon.  
 
 
Afghanistan: The western powers will cut a deal with the Taliban, who crave power, and Afghanistan will return to more of  
the same. People will die.  
 
Papua New Guinea: These guys are famous for eating each other, but when it came to a small mix-up that resulted in two  
prime ministers, they talked about it. No one got eaten. Not one knife up an arse. The natives are making us look bad.
 
Africa: There is not enough ink in these fingers to talk about Africa. China is buying it, the west is ignoring it, the animals are  
dying on it, food isn’t getting to the people on it, the earth is being mined out from under it, the pirates have parts of it, aids has  
most of it, Tuberculosis has the rest of it, global warming is desertifying it (and so are the number of people)…..and on and on.  
Peace to Africa, peace to your people.
 
The people are demanding to be heard: Everywhere the people are demanding to be heard. The Chinese have backed down  
against protest, the Burmese have opened a crack in the door, the Arabs have shaken their leaders to the core. In spite of this,  
people everywhere are still not being heard. There is blood to come.
 
The running sore: The Israelis and Palestinians maintain their brutalities. The young will fix this, but not tomorrow. The  
Israelis will continue to take land and advantage, especially when their own politics are so fractured. No one is really sure who is  
doing what in Israel, so no one answers for anything. How tired are we all of this conflict, this endless procession of horrors?  
 
Burma: Suu Kyi is out of house arrest and the Burmese generals have given the Chinese the middle finger by stopping some  
big China-funded construction projects underway there. This is of course the generals playing a game like North Korea did…
make some noise, rattles some sabers, then hold out your hand for money from the superpowers. Hopefully China and the West  
can drive the freeing of the people there through this means. Suu Kyi is a legend, and one amazing lady whom the people love  
for her uncommon common-sense, and her endless determination for reform.
 
North Korea: Kim Jung Ill bit the dust. Guess he wasn’t a god after all. His son will be no different, though probably more will-
ing to deal, which will free the people there somewhat. Still wouldn’t want to live there though, as the sickness of absolute power  
will prevail.
 
Japan and her fish: The whaling industry has been saved from destruction by money from the Japanese government. This  
money was called Tsumami relief money. The Japanese will never stop whaling because they are worried that if they do, then the  
next discussion will be about protecting Tuna, Marlin, krill, etc etc etc. Their fishing fleet and appetite for ocean grown protein is huge,  
and cannot be stopped by anything but force. People will have to die to save the ocean, and they probably will in a few months  
when Sea Sheppard meets the whaling fleet.  
 
Bin Laden: Yeah, they found him living among his Pakistani army mates and “brought him to justice”. President Obama said  
that. Think carefully about the word justice. We shouldn’t care about Osama Bin Laden, but we should care how the word justice is  
used.
 
Mental guy cuts loose: An evil super villain cuts loose in Norway with a diabolical plan to bomb and shoot. Seriously, where the  
fuck was Batman, or the X-Men?  
 
Immigration: All over the world people are on the move, fleeing hardship, and they are not getting such a sweet welcome  
mostly everywhere. People will continue to die, plenty of them children.
 
The God Particle: CERN has found traces of the God Particle, the very blocks of the blocks of the blocks of the universe. Time  
hasn’t stopped yet, and the universe hasn’t collapsed yet, but it still might. Doctor Who is going to show up for this episode, and  
we’ll all be OK.
 
Vaccine for aids: Great leaps have been taken toward a vaccine for AIDS, using our own bodies mechanisms to do it. Most  
people develop an immunity to AIDS, but it doesn’t happen quick enough. The white coats have found a way to speed that up.  
Stunning result.
 
The fight for the gene: There is a legal fight going on right now in the US over whether or not a gene can be patented. The  
answer is obvious, but sense may not prevail.  
 
Who owns the news: Newspapers and news organizations all over the world are being held to account for their actions….the  
UK phone hacking scandal is the most public, and has people asking all the right questions about who owns the news and what do  
they do with that power. This is a good thing.
 
The 2012 big bang: You know, the world just might end, and not in some lame biblical way, but in the way of something big;  
A shift, a paradigm shift, a rising of the people, and it’s happening through the net, and yes, it will cost blood. If that feels like the  
end of the world to you, then hold on baby....but then again, might not happen for another 50 years...
 
(Oh yeah, there was heaps of other shit as well….like the riots in the UK, which were mostly because there was nothing good on
TV…not all news is really news folks).              -GGM
 
 
--------
**Is there a question on earth that would get a one sentence answer from Kou-Indigo?
........................................................................
 
 
Whispers from the Drama group:
 
There were some injuries amongst the gay poets earlier this week. It was decided that they would give theater a go and so  
they rehearsed an adaptation of Lord of the Rings.
 
Things ran fairly smooth until the direction came to "destroy the ring". It so happened that all the actors wanted their rings  
destroyed by the lead, Jack Heslop. The stage descended into chaos with actors running around with their rings exposed  
screaming "destroy my ring!"  
 
--------
**What goes "step step bump bump roll bump Happy New Year!!"
   Harper falling down the stairs  
.............................................................................................
 
 
Statusphere. Are you there?
 
 
Here are stats (most reads) of posts published since the 13th of December. Stats as they were on the 29th Dec, 2011.  
 
 
Miscellaneous:  
 
Muggle                 "issue2 page 1"                  48
Muggle                 "issue2 page 2"                  44
Muggle                 "issue2 page 3"                  40
 
 
Drugs
 
maikeru555             "One's Worst Weakness"           103
Savedbyahorse         "He came to take me away"          91
Bethany                 "No time to think"               90
 
 
Self
 
 MsJones                  "I Haved Lived!!!"             46
Jack Heslop          "Continuance (a fragment)"          45
MsJone                       "I Am Me!!!"                40
 
Upbeat
 
UnleashedHeathen             "The Art of Sex"             70
Hotvixen069                  "Addicted to you"            48
Atropabelladonna               "You will see!"            41
 
Dark
 
 emo1                         "torture anyone?"          74
Scalpel_Rape        "I Kill Kids At Birthday Parties"    71
kurtjmartinez                  "Under the Soil"          63
 
 
Love
 
 Luca Della Casa      "Castaways of the eternity"        90
 Laraa Amiee Bently     "got to love ya"                 87
 milkyway                 "IS IT JUST ME"                80
 
Observational
 
Lemmy Caution             "a visit to the park"          69
    AliP                      "Photograph"               53
  redTbird                 "Bad Boy for Christmas"       45  
 
Erotic
 
kolin edwards               "Day of Our Desire"         815
Paige Rider                   "Burning Inside"          785
kourtnissixxx                "your body my mind"        704
 
Anger
 
Luca Della Casa        "Rigorously against nature"      124
Luca Della Casa            "What remains of us"          74
MsJones                  "Shut The Fuck Up!!!"           67    
 
 
 
--------
**Does UnleashedHeathen still wear the collar?
.......................................................................................................................
 
 
Poem box
 
 
In this edition of Poem Box I'm going to review two famous poems, one I love and one I loathe.
 
Deceptions by Philip Larkin
 
"Of course I was drugged, and so heavily I did not regain
consciousness until the next morning. I was horrified to
discover that I had been ruined, and for some days I was inconsolable,
and cried like a child to be killed or sent back to my aunt." - Mayhew, London Labour and the London Poor
 
Even so distant, I can taste the grief,
Bitter and sharp with stalks, he made you gulp.
The sun's occasional print, the brisk brief
Worry of wheels along the street outside
Where bridal London bows the other way,
And light, unanswerable and tall and wide,
Forbids the scar to heal, and drives
Shame out of hiding. All the unhurried day,
Your mind lay open like a drawer of knives.
 
Slums, years, have buried you. I would not dare
Console you if I could. What can be said,
Except that suffering is exact, but where
Desire takes charge, readings will grow erratic?
For you would hardly care
That you were less deceived, out on that bed,
Than he was, stumbling up the breathless stair
To burst into fulfillment's desolate attic.
 
  Philip Larkin is one of my favourite poets. The tired, melancholy voice which underscores a lot of his poems appeals to me. His  
work is rarely depressing, however. The sheer mastery of form and poetic device saves it from maudlin whimsy, and he can often  
be playful, such as in the dryly funny "Annus Mirabilis." "Deceptions," however, I interpret as entirely straight-faced, and perhaps  
his most tender poem. It's a quiet elegy to a young victim of rape, who narrates the epigram.
  The sense of exposure pervading the first verse is like those dreams in which you're naked and surrounded by people. The humil-
iation felt by the girl is cruelly palpable, as is the indifference of the London she walks through. A typical aspect of Larkin's work I  
love is its clarity, shown in his description of light: "unanswerable and tall and wide." The effect is almost claustrophobic, as the  
light becomes impossible to escape from. Another example of this great clarity is the "drawer of knives" simile.
  The second verse is somewhat controversial. Some have regarded it as an apology for rape. While I concede that Larkin attempts  
to view what happened from the perspective of the girl's attacker, I don't think that amounts to apologising for rape. He spends the
poem painfully evoking the aftermath of the assault for the girl, and then closes it with a hint at another perspective. The rapist is  
still a monster ("stumbling up the breathless stair" creates an image in my head of a grotesque ogre) but one with his own pain to  
feel, burdened by an unwanted desire. Larkin isn't preaching forgiveness, but a modicum of pity.
 
De Rong Song by Benjamin Zephaniah
 
Your house is
Falling down
Around
Your
Feet,
And you got
Nought
To eat,
Don't worry
Be happy.
Your fish
Have drowned
You wear
A frown,
You search
But you don't
Own a pound,
Don't worry
Be happy.
 
You ain't got
Nowhere to
Play,
Just balconies
And
Motorways,
Don't worry
Be happy.
 
You meet
Someone
You really like,
They tell you to
Get on your bike,
Don't worry
Be happy.
 
You're on your bike
And all is fine,
You get caught
In a washing line,
Don't worry
Be happy.
You go to school
The school is
Gone,
The Government
Put pressure on,
Don't worry
Be happy.
Your tea is
Dry
Your ice is
Hot,
Your head is
Tied up in a
Not,
Don't worry
Be happy.
You worry
Because
You're hurrying,
And hurry
Because
You're worrying,
Don't happy
Be worried.
 
I hate Benjamin Zephaniah's work so much that I can find no merit in it whatsoever. That he was named one of The Times'  
top 50 British post-war writers is definitive proof, for this observer at least, that such accolades are given based on commercial  
rather than aesthetic success.
But returning to the "poem," let's begin with the blatant theft of the title and refrain from Bobby McFerrin's eighties hit song "Don't  
Worry, Be Happy." The theft is so blatant that I'm sure Zephaniah wouldn't deny it, but instead claim that he was "inspired" by the  
song. McFerrin should sue, not least because Zephaniah turns what was once an amusing, credible piece of pop culture into vapid  
drivel.  
His supporters argue that "poems" such as "De Rong Song" empower the poor. Nonsense. How does listing various misfortunes  
and then telling the reader "don't worry, be happy" constitute empowerment? It strikes me as the height of condescension, like  
Marie Antoinette (as legend has it) saying "let them eat cake." If an Eton-educated gentleman farmer wrote this "poem" it would  
be instantly derided as a cruel mickey-take. Especially given the pointless twist on the refrain at the end: "Don't happy/Be worried."  
What does that mean? It's just pointless infantilisation. When I read it I picture Zephaniah making goo-goo noises before an  
audience of disaffected tower-block dwellers. Empowering indeed.
He also attempts originality by using the wrong form of the word "knot" ("Your head is/Tied up in a/Not"; apparently illiteracy is  
cool) and these inexplicable lines: "Your tea is/Dry/Your ice is/Hot" (but tea is wet! And ice is cold! Ho ho ho!).
The staccato lines, which he insists on capitalising (why? What difference does it make?) serve to further uglify this hideous pound  
of dreck. In conclusion, Zephaniah sucks, and I will never trust The Times again.   -JT
 
--------
**Can we assume that Splint will be there for us if we crack a limb in a forum fight?
................................................................................................................................................
 
 
A Final Word:
 
You may think to yourself, why the fuck is there a photo of curry sitting smugly at the top of this page? Let me explain. To finish us  
off for this shortened holiday issue, we have a challenge set by Whitewand6. You may remember in our last issue, we wondered who  
might make the best curry, Whitewand6 or anandosen. Well, to our pleasant surprise, Mr. Wand has taken our quip as a challenge
and sent us a photo of his curry. He aims to prove that he is, indeed, the Curry King of DUP, and shock of shocks, we have no  
problem facilitating this suggestion of rivalry. What say you, Anando? Care to compete with this curry concoction and make a bid  
for the glory? -EV  
 
..........................................................................................................................................