It must have been love

Music plays
Life delays
Tears fall
Trying to crawl
I remember back
Life was on track
A girl named Megan
Not even a pagan
But I let her in
Showed all my sin
She had disgust
Took all my lust
Brought me pain
Made me insane
Cut, burned, and broken
Sold like a fucking token
But I couldn’t leave
No matter what she cleaved
Tried to have family
I can’t... not me
After every test
She just left
I couldn’t move on
Even see the dawn
So many years
And fears
Always alone
Just a drone
I shed my blood
A crimson flood
Darkest magik
No response... tragic
But another came
She wasn’t the same
Saw my plight
Gave me light
I needed her
I was sure
So depressed
Barely even dressed
And then came the manic
Didn’t even panic
Quit my meds
Didn’t feel dead
Said She wanted me
I couldn’t believe... really?
Everything I wanted
Didn’t feel taunted
Is this real?
Can I actually feel?
Let’s be together
Forever
She wants it too
Is this true?
Making promises
Giving me bliss
Achieving success
Feeling blessed
Everything is working
But there’s a demon lurking
The fire still burns brightly
With her nightly
Building a family
Just need them with me
So many calls
And then the other shoe falls
What the fuck?
Always my luck
Thought we were holding hands
But I was standing on quicksand
In a blink she was gone
Told me I was wrong
And then I’m blocked
Shocked
Cut my heart from my chest
Treated me like all the rest
Grasping at straws
But she thinks they are claws
Said I uttered threats
She still owes me debts
Ready to die now
But don’t know how
Took another name
Not wanting the shame
Left everything behind
Found new friends who were kind
They say they accept
Told them how she left
And then one day I see
Fuck... she is here with me
Told me to stay away
But fate had another say
I can’t stop myself
She feels like wealth
I feel her pain
And disdain
I know it’s wrong
To sing another song
But I can’t let her go
So
I write for her
Want to be the answer
Tricked her to come to my side
Together again... we ride
I’m such a monster
And again... love fosters
I’m so fucking blind
Can’t leave her behind
Ignoring everything
Trying to bring
Her back
But it’s an attack
My life falls apart
Because of my goddamn heart
I can’t continue to lie
I would rather die
Can’t keep this to myself
So I take the book off the shelf
Open it’s pages
Praying to sages
I see the doom
With me in the room
And when She finds out my name...
Her reaction is the same
Two horrible words
Cut my heart into thirds
I’m done
Extinguishing my sun
The first third is gone
But perhaps another dawn?
Nope, everyone feels betrayed
So I can’t stay
Perhaps one more friend?
Nope... it feels like the end
Nowhere to call home
Left all alone
Into my head silence drills
So I swallow the pills
And start to drift away
Some fucker makes me stay
So I try to make amends
To all those I called friends
But nobody believes
Think all I do is deceive
Taking meds again
Feelings down the drain
It’s time to succumb
To just be numb
Let everyone go
Lost into the snow
But it just won’t change
I’m so fucking deranged
Who is lying
Who is crying
I’m not in control
I’ve lost my soul
Was this her plan
Is she just a scam
I have so many thoughts
I’m just distraught
Calls me narcissist
I don’t fit on that list
Looks like she does
Maybe that’s the because
It makes sense
Or am I just dense
Everyone seems so tired
And just fucking myred
I paid such a high cost
And I’m so fucking lost
Searching for help
Drowning in the kelp
Every time something seems clear
Another thought I hear
Are theses crazy voices
Or my own choices
I’ll just keep going
Never knowing
But neither will she
She refuses to see
I’ll never be able to reveal
That our love was real
But now it is gone
Just like one more song
Pushed away with a shove
It must have been love
But it’s over now
Move on...
I
don’t
know
how