Relapse

Why am I so afraid of sleep?
So few know the secrets I keep
Nightmares wake me up with screams
Terror few will ever know it seems

I can’t be open with my thoughts
So I tie myself in so many knots
Crystal methamphetamine?
Better than the things I dream

I would rather stay awake for days
Eyes open... sitting alone in such a haze
The only drug that keeps me sane
Is heroin as it runs through my veins

The only peace I really know
Is when I’m lost in her warm glow
I’ll only buy a point I say
That doesn’t even last me a day

Spread out on a piece of foil
Chasing a dragon through my turmoil
This mistress always treats me the same
I know I’m playing a deadly game

I pray I could just stand on my own
But it happened here... right in my home
I knew the path I was going to take
I shouldn’t have given the chance to forsake

Brown powder from Afghanistan
I wish I could form a better plan
I made a promise... One I meant to keep
She calls me lier... and those words cut deep

I don’t blame her... I am what I am
Addicted... just don’t give a damn
Nodding off... trying not to die
I can’t help it but sit here and cry

I gave in... broke another sacred vow
My apologies just don’t matter now
Why do I love this acrid smoke?
It really should just make me choke

It’s been so long... almost three years
I can’t hold back these fucking tears
A sober chip thrown down the drain
Lost in vapours from these putrid grains

Without her... I’m ready to give up all hope
Right back where I started... high on dope
The only problem... it just doesn’t last
Im trying to move on, but I can’t forget the past

I’ll take one more hit... the last of the bag
I wish I never tried this drug called skag
Does it make me worthless? Even after I did it all
I’m still sitting here crying... waiting for her to call.

That Hustla...
Everyday I’m hustlin