deepundergroundpoetry.com
featherweight a sea burial
its hard to lose a chosen one,
the body guards, uniform; fling an An Arm
back to the sky
sharp back to a cloud
who sprung
adopted hush, the cogs
these hhsssshh! of clouds
…disappear, they pray
and where…where-then they pray
in lightening to reconnect,
to An Arm stretched shoulder deep
into the earth; do a must,
to the tips of roots, tender ends.
to see lay c clay tertiaries (coal seams
and the kingliness of a ceramic pot.
Soliloquies and families of cormorants are in
into tin sea-burials
are …in….
to outbursts, to inner thermal cloth.
the body guards, uniform; fling an An Arm
back to the sky
sharp back to a cloud
who sprung
adopted hush, the cogs
these hhsssshh! of clouds
…disappear, they pray
and where…where-then they pray
in lightening to reconnect,
to An Arm stretched shoulder deep
into the earth; do a must,
to the tips of roots, tender ends.
to see lay c clay tertiaries (coal seams
and the kingliness of a ceramic pot.
Soliloquies and families of cormorants are in
into tin sea-burials
are …in….
to outbursts, to inner thermal cloth.
Published 15th Dec 2019
Author's Note
for 'Land scaping' competition.
not sure of some grammar here.
not sure of some grammar here.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 2
comments 7
reads 779
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
16th Dec 2019 2:12am
While I love the essence of this, i did have a bit of trouble in some places:
fling an [ An ] Arm ( I googled An Arm and all I got was photos of an arm. Is there a meaning I am missing? )
I see you also use it further down:
to An Arm stretched shoulder deep
is there a significance to the capitalization of An? Is it some mechanical term or something?
I am familiar with c clay tertiaries - I remember reading something about it in Mississippi. I think where it might get confusing to a reader is here:
to see lay
I would suggest removing either see or lay. To see lay isn't reading right to me.
I do love the essence of this, and it's a strong ending.
fling an [ An ] Arm ( I googled An Arm and all I got was photos of an arm. Is there a meaning I am missing? )
I see you also use it further down:
to An Arm stretched shoulder deep
is there a significance to the capitalization of An? Is it some mechanical term or something?
I am familiar with c clay tertiaries - I remember reading something about it in Mississippi. I think where it might get confusing to a reader is here:
to see lay
I would suggest removing either see or lay. To see lay isn't reading right to me.
I do love the essence of this, and it's a strong ending.
Anonymous
- Edited 4th Jun 2022 2:45am
17th Dec 2019 11:05pm
<< post removed >>
18th Dec 2019 9:03pm
5th Jan 2020 8:16pm
It would do your deeply nuanced writing discredit to not carefully consider each line, stanza, and as a whole. I have been over it a few times, doing that. Your word play extends into a carefully consideration of the sounds of letters themselves, to me, and I find that to be a singularity in my general reading on site. You seem a very thoughtful poet, exhibiting intellect in your crafting, but also in your creativity and awareness in the depth of perceptions displayed. Enjoyed contemplating this piece.
5th Jan 2020 8:25pm
I'm starting to love your style; addictive, rummaging and wild like fire..
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keeping you close
-Noire Rose
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keeping you close
-Noire Rose
10th Jan 2020 10:54am
you wrote really fabulous & this 1 amazing.. :) pleez do comment/ review/ write your thoughts on my website & poems 2 thank you :)
