deepundergroundpoetry.com
Bottoms UP !
1000s of dollars in fines and fees
1000s of dollars in fines and fees
My "story" irrelevant to any of these
1000s of dollars in fines and fees
1000s of dollars in fines and fees
1000s of dollars in fines and fees
Her death has help'd me find the bottom degrees
1000s of dollars in fines and fees
1000s of dollars in fines and fees
1000s of dollars in fines and fees
Now a criminal at 67, at 67 a criminal be
1000s of dollars in fines and fees
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
2019dankozakpoootry&badfotogrffy/AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Published 17th Nov 2019
Author's Note
Faux pas ?
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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18th Nov 2019 1:30am
18th Nov 2019 2:14pm
18th Nov 2019 1:30am
Anonymous
18th Nov 2019 1:59am
It's a bitch. I know someone who lost his license. It was expensive as heck to get back. Sorry to hear you are going through this.
18th Nov 2019 6:22am
It takes what it takes. Some of us really have to go through the ringer before we make a change to stop our destructive habits. It's a vicious cycle from the womb to the tomb. When I got my DWI, it was a dehumanizing experience. I left the jail cell feeling sub-human, cowering in the presence of other up-standing citizens. But was that enough to stop me from drinking? Not even close. Then when I almost got shot for pissing on my drinking buddy's bathroom and after the cops came to find me passed out in his closet only to take me to the hospital for alcohol poison, did I stop drinking? Nope.
The court suggested Alcoholics Anonymous and I complied to sit through their meetings but continued to drink for ten or more years before I really gave the program a chance. Six months ago I finally hit my bottom and decided to stop digging. I know you lost your daughter and you are over twice my age so you could probably give two shits what a spit-fuck like me has to say, but if you do have a problem with drinking, there is a solution. If not, then just know I care about you and I'll keep you in my prayers.
The court suggested Alcoholics Anonymous and I complied to sit through their meetings but continued to drink for ten or more years before I really gave the program a chance. Six months ago I finally hit my bottom and decided to stop digging. I know you lost your daughter and you are over twice my age so you could probably give two shits what a spit-fuck like me has to say, but if you do have a problem with drinking, there is a solution. If not, then just know I care about you and I'll keep you in my prayers.
I been around the horn with this, drankin'thang. After 4-5 years of trying to drink self t'death after my 1st divo. in '83. Within 4 months of Lea's birth, (1987) I woke up one day feeling all compulsion to drink absolutely absent, & me, absolutely abstinent.
So started my 29yrs sobriety. Didn't do any AAfor the first 5-6months, I went with a co-worker out of curiosity. I was "into it" from the start. Next 28 years- NO compulsion to drink. Then one day i reached into fridge to get a soda, saw some new root beer bought by brother. Tasted it & liked it, drank the whole bottle. I finish the bottle, & begin reading the label. 4,5%. A week or so later i'm in store & marvelling at all the IPAs, Ales, Stouts that didn't exist. So next I thought of sampling the new ales. I did so 2-3 times a week for 6-7 months, & then "lost interest" and quit again, never fighting with "compulsion". On comes spring of '18, & Leah has to be admitted to hospital for what they founf were liver problems. Was strongly suggesting treatment, or at least AA. I told her i'd be glad to fly up there to go to meetings with her for few weeks. "I don't wanna go to rehab, I say, no no no".. Meanwhile, ex-wife is tellin me that she's "very optimistic" about Leah getting sober. Next thing i know, Mom's doing reseach on getting her onthe liver TP registry, but by then her condition worsened rapidly. Next, i;m flying to KC to meet with son at airpt. We get to pking lot, & he tells me she died in hospice about an hr. before. There beginith the greatest hell-on-earth of me life. I stayed sober thru the whole KC ordeal of cremation, memorial, etc. Didn't drink again for another 3-4 , but then got back into my ale "research", where i was drinking a sixer 2times/wk. about a month sober again, & ahavati is workng putting poetic diary of my goddamn Season In Hell". Then i go shopping, and on the way, i notice the mail lady was there, so got mail, and proceeded to market. Find parking space, &took The Book out. Next thing i turn into a blithering, wailing, sobbing schmuck. Took 1/2 an hour to get myself together nough to proceed with shopping. In store they had a wine which i liked on sale for buy-one-get-second free. So i take a "taste" of one, & waadya know? Bottle is empty. I get down the road 2'3 miles, & realize i ain;t in proper control of vehicle, so i pull inti pkg lot of a shopping center. Start callin my niece to come get me home (To pick up car tomorrow). She's not picking up, so decided to take a wee nap while wait for neice to call. About an hr, went by & i'm snoozin away. I feel a wee poking at me arm, & lo & behold, a sherrif dept. lady cop (from Austrailia). Seems someone called my tag# in before i stopped, & it took awhile for her to find my car. But there she was. A very nice lady..........& the rest is hysteria.
DEATH & THE LADY CHYLDE by dkzk available at Lulu.com
http://www.lulu.com/shop/dan-kozak/death-and-the-ladychylde/paperback/product-24258489.html?fbclid=IwAR2Dcl8ThoJeVs-TXF1wxn-de_K7vjLRMl3wDUolVv_9bp_Mp
BE THE FIRST ON YOUR BLOCK !!
So started my 29yrs sobriety. Didn't do any AAfor the first 5-6months, I went with a co-worker out of curiosity. I was "into it" from the start. Next 28 years- NO compulsion to drink. Then one day i reached into fridge to get a soda, saw some new root beer bought by brother. Tasted it & liked it, drank the whole bottle. I finish the bottle, & begin reading the label. 4,5%. A week or so later i'm in store & marvelling at all the IPAs, Ales, Stouts that didn't exist. So next I thought of sampling the new ales. I did so 2-3 times a week for 6-7 months, & then "lost interest" and quit again, never fighting with "compulsion". On comes spring of '18, & Leah has to be admitted to hospital for what they founf were liver problems. Was strongly suggesting treatment, or at least AA. I told her i'd be glad to fly up there to go to meetings with her for few weeks. "I don't wanna go to rehab, I say, no no no".. Meanwhile, ex-wife is tellin me that she's "very optimistic" about Leah getting sober. Next thing i know, Mom's doing reseach on getting her onthe liver TP registry, but by then her condition worsened rapidly. Next, i;m flying to KC to meet with son at airpt. We get to pking lot, & he tells me she died in hospice about an hr. before. There beginith the greatest hell-on-earth of me life. I stayed sober thru the whole KC ordeal of cremation, memorial, etc. Didn't drink again for another 3-4 , but then got back into my ale "research", where i was drinking a sixer 2times/wk. about a month sober again, & ahavati is workng putting poetic diary of my goddamn Season In Hell". Then i go shopping, and on the way, i notice the mail lady was there, so got mail, and proceeded to market. Find parking space, &took The Book out. Next thing i turn into a blithering, wailing, sobbing schmuck. Took 1/2 an hour to get myself together nough to proceed with shopping. In store they had a wine which i liked on sale for buy-one-get-second free. So i take a "taste" of one, & waadya know? Bottle is empty. I get down the road 2'3 miles, & realize i ain;t in proper control of vehicle, so i pull inti pkg lot of a shopping center. Start callin my niece to come get me home (To pick up car tomorrow). She's not picking up, so decided to take a wee nap while wait for neice to call. About an hr, went by & i'm snoozin away. I feel a wee poking at me arm, & lo & behold, a sherrif dept. lady cop (from Austrailia). Seems someone called my tag# in before i stopped, & it took awhile for her to find my car. But there she was. A very nice lady..........& the rest is hysteria.
DEATH & THE LADY CHYLDE by dkzk available at Lulu.com
http://www.lulu.com/shop/dan-kozak/death-and-the-ladychylde/paperback/product-24258489.html?fbclid=IwAR2Dcl8ThoJeVs-TXF1wxn-de_K7vjLRMl3wDUolVv_9bp_Mp
BE THE FIRST ON YOUR BLOCK !!
Anonymous
- Edited 18th Jan 2020 5:45pm
18th Nov 2019 10:09am
<< post removed >>
Thanks Mar.......
Titan?
Remember the Titanic !
All kidding aside.....I've been 'gifted' that sbriety has been easy for me. 29 years ain't nuttin't sneeze at.
My heart, however, is a volcano that's been waitin to blow for quite some time. both CAD and CHF have near killed me 5-6 times due to some inability i have to having any 'proper' symptoms'. (Never been able to color inside the lines). When i had my "machines" put into me, the surgeon who did the deed, said aside from the atrial fib.,i was,they said they found ventricular fib. as well. With V-fib, one is suposed to die instantly. No 2nd chances with this MF. But there it was, no symptoms, & i was back out running (literally) in no time. Problem is that cure for A-fib incurs having to kill the issue that is having the "nerve" problem that's all out of whack. Dead heart tissue = chronic Heart Failure- irreversible. So eventually you get so chronically fatigued that you maintain any activity for 5min. Everything comes to a stop, then, as you "get used to it", you gain some coping, indicative of the heart rot at least has plateaued, & has slowed up getting worse.
one finds oneself saying "shit, let's get it over with already".
The advent of my Cardiac Adventure just passed it's 20th anniv. of walking on lethal eggshells.
Everyone needs a hobby.
That;s all i'm gonna say 'bout that, except that how the obscene grief of losing Leah has left me still alive, is insane. The mental & psychic upheaval is beyond discription. The Grief HAS led to a noticeable nasty effect on heart function.
Jeez, let me outta here!
Titan?
Remember the Titanic !
All kidding aside.....I've been 'gifted' that sbriety has been easy for me. 29 years ain't nuttin't sneeze at.
My heart, however, is a volcano that's been waitin to blow for quite some time. both CAD and CHF have near killed me 5-6 times due to some inability i have to having any 'proper' symptoms'. (Never been able to color inside the lines). When i had my "machines" put into me, the surgeon who did the deed, said aside from the atrial fib.,i was,they said they found ventricular fib. as well. With V-fib, one is suposed to die instantly. No 2nd chances with this MF. But there it was, no symptoms, & i was back out running (literally) in no time. Problem is that cure for A-fib incurs having to kill the issue that is having the "nerve" problem that's all out of whack. Dead heart tissue = chronic Heart Failure- irreversible. So eventually you get so chronically fatigued that you maintain any activity for 5min. Everything comes to a stop, then, as you "get used to it", you gain some coping, indicative of the heart rot at least has plateaued, & has slowed up getting worse.
one finds oneself saying "shit, let's get it over with already".
The advent of my Cardiac Adventure just passed it's 20th anniv. of walking on lethal eggshells.
Everyone needs a hobby.
That;s all i'm gonna say 'bout that, except that how the obscene grief of losing Leah has left me still alive, is insane. The mental & psychic upheaval is beyond discription. The Grief HAS led to a noticeable nasty effect on heart function.
Jeez, let me outta here!
