A dagger of words

I'm not in love
Though I write about it... A lot
I'm not in love
Too scared to be
I'm not in love
Fear holds my heart too close
The last love I held
Told me I was too much
My mind has warped his words
Into daggers I stab into my heart
Too much, not enough, forever a paradox
Too much emotion, not enough sex
They like them crazy until they flinch
When they reach for them in love
Then they're left standing there in the kitchen
At three in the morning wondering if
If any of this is even worth it in the end
I've put my heart in a trunk locked three times
Walled it up behind my ribs; hidden it away
I'm too afraid to reach out my hand
It's been a year I'm proud to say to you
My heart was broken and has been healing
Around my moments of stabbing
This entire time, hidden away in side my chest
Far from rough and careless hands
That aren't too different from my own
Too far to be touched or be dragged out
How I wish I could stop this deep fear
That no matter how much I heal
That someone will take his dagger of words
From my tightly gripped hands
Just as I have stopped blaming myself
That they'll pick up that dagger
And stab me through once more
It hits so differently when it isn't my hand