deepundergroundpoetry.com
naked god
secrets buried in dark
weeping clouds of
perfumed breath born in
a doubting fever -
devouring decay or
drinking the day like
poison.
Desire steeled against
never. Deformed into
the sacred, finely sculpted lie
in lingering smoke of
some broken magick. A
Fool bleeding stains upon
eternity.
A
Young prisoner or
Naked god.
weeping clouds of
perfumed breath born in
a doubting fever -
devouring decay or
drinking the day like
poison.
Desire steeled against
never. Deformed into
the sacred, finely sculpted lie
in lingering smoke of
some broken magick. A
Fool bleeding stains upon
eternity.
A
Young prisoner or
Naked god.
Published 26th Oct 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
26th Oct 2019 7:35pm
Vivid images here dig this piece! 🙌
Since you choose honest critique the only thing I would suggest would be
slightly rearranging certain lines so it reads a lil better, like so
"secrets buried
in dark, weeping clouds of
perfumed breath
born in a doubting fever -
devouring decay or
drinking the day
like poison.
Desire steeled against never.
Deformed into
the sacred, finely sculpted lie
in lingering smoke
of some broken magick.
A fool bleeding stains
upon eternity.
A young prisoner
or naked god."
Just a suggestion either way great write I enjoyed reading 👏
Since you choose honest critique the only thing I would suggest would be
slightly rearranging certain lines so it reads a lil better, like so
"secrets buried
in dark, weeping clouds of
perfumed breath
born in a doubting fever -
devouring decay or
drinking the day
like poison.
Desire steeled against never.
Deformed into
the sacred, finely sculpted lie
in lingering smoke
of some broken magick.
A fool bleeding stains
upon eternity.
A young prisoner
or naked god."
Just a suggestion either way great write I enjoyed reading 👏
