Granite

It's all mind over matter mister. Love this little gem.  <3

g'dafternoon, Lady

I like that you love the gem :) thanks much for dropping in and leaving your words

*hat tip*

The brevity of the piece is useful for focusing the message and bringing the subtle emotion across clearly. Penultimate stanza was my favorite.

olah

thank you muchly, Daniel. very happy to have your insight here  

... Can I be totally honest here?  
 
The last line dissipates on the tongue for me... ‘a bit more long-term’ just feels a little bit wishy and crumbly after the power of the rest of the poem.  
 
I’d much rather something more permanent, perhaps?
 
I dunno. It’s just how I feel on reading it. That last line is just fucking with me a bit.  
 
That aside, the rest of the poem (which I personally thought was very strong) is a grand expression of humanity and the desire for connection which I guess we all need from time to time.  
 
Thanks for sharing this little snippet.  
 
-M

hullo, Lady

your honesty is a prerequisite :) while I didn't share your contempt for the phrase I did  change it a little in case you were on to something, haha

a pleasure to have your eyes and mind, Lady

Just love this solemn piece of ink...particularly how you finished it off so subtly.
Cheers...Harry

Hullo  

thanks, man

figured it'd be bad craic to be anything less than subtle.  

very much appreciate your visit and thoughts

Powerful last line. Well written.



regards,
buddhakitty.

hullo

very happy the lines are well received. thank you most kindly for dropping in and leaving your thoughts

damn Craic.

hullo

happy you give a damn, smackdown


*hat tip*

You aRe Inspiration Good Sir, Wordsmith Adored!!!

hullo to you

delighted to see you knocking around the place, good fellow and than you for  stopping here and leaving your thoughts

Just...damn...yes...this is the stuff right here...

hullo, lady

I think you're absolutely right, haha and thank you heaps and bunches for coming here to say it

glad you felt it is ok to post this Craic!

funnily enough i can say... i know granite.. the physical thing...for i grew up playing with it...surrounded by quarries not far from home.

critique dear friend honest or otherwise i have none at this moment. much appreciate you sharing this with us!

Hullo

I may take it back yet, haha

glad you like it and thanks most much for taking the time to read and leave your thoughts

oh no you 're not!! lol

i know this for sure..it is not a normal occurence that you post something... i believe you keep a lot more than you post... if past has anything to go by.
hence my improperly worded quip... you felt ok to share.. thank you.

relatable

always relatable

(unfortunately) forever relatable

but not eternal

Hullo

Always a good compliment to have sparked relatable-ness from a reader


many thanks to you for dropping in and leaving your thoughts, much appreciated

Feels like the opposite of Richard Brautigan's Love Poem:

It's so nice
to wake up in the morning
all alone
and not have to tell somebody
you love them
when you don't love them
any more

This kind of straightforward emotional statement only works as a poem if it has a strong authorial voice behind it, arranging lines and ideas in such that they feel powerful and new. This one has that, and the rocks grinding themselves to dust image is especially raw.

Hullo

sorry I missed this, good fellow

happen to like that poetry you quoted. I know exactly how he felt.


chuffed you say it works, I take it as a grand compliment and thank you much accordingly. always a pleasure to have your eyes and thoughts

I just love when you write but will share
how you made me curl up in my dimly lit
corner, as if trying to keep all shatters
together..

as always sweetheart,  powerful

Hullo lady *hat tip*

oppols for the curling up, but thanks heaps and bunches for coming here and leaving your thoughts

the subtly quintessential love ...its need , when told strikingly as rockhardly shattering bitterness
and in all your masterly brevity...it cant get better than this Poet!
the wrenching intro verses you open...the wisdom the message the longing of 'bit more"longevity... unsurpassably written delivered felt!  nothing more would say..

Uma

hullo, Lady. much apologies for missing your comment. what a beautiful thought train :)

always delighted to see your little footprints, thanks muchly  

If we must crumble, let's do so together, darling.

Elegantly put into so few words with a much deeper meaning.

Impressive.

Kisses,
LostGirl

(;

hullo, Lady

terribly sorry for missing your comment. throw in a few apples and we'd have a delicious desert

very thanked for dropping by and leaving your thoughts, Lady. muchly appreciated

damn good stuff here

Hullo

very kind of you to say, Lady. and even kinderer to drop by in the first place to say it. welcome back and thanks bunches

there's a drawn-out sense of attrition running throughout, the erosion of self, the erosion of others... time is the key element represented by phrases 'come to'&'rocks grind themselves to dust'. we get worn down by loss over time, by trying to love someone eroded to bare rock

my one crit, just my opinion of course, is that the end stanza could go without any loss to the rest of the piece unless you wanted to retain that 'longevity' to tie the implied throughout the poem by adapting your last line and losing the 2 before it ... something like 'as i search for longevity' which softens the brutal lines of the rocks grinding themselves to dust image.

as i read this again, it feels to stop naturally and far stronger here:

cos I've seen rocks  
grind themselves to dust
in front of me  



just how this struck me. it is a powerful write.

hullo  
 
and thank you for the time and thought you put into your comment. muchly appreciated    
 
"I hope you're as strong as you think you are"  
 
the poem (for me) kinda revolves around  that line. it's as much a warning as it is a hope    
 

 always delighted to be gifted another person's perspective / translation so thanks heaps for yours, and for the time and thought you put into it    
 
*hat tip*  
 
 
Edit: I do take your point about natural stop. I thought about it for some time when it was first pointed out but I felt it was  an integral part of the narration  
 
i'll give it some more thoughts

Hullo and velcome to this place

opologies for the late reply, missed the notification. very happy the poem resonates with you to that level. thanks much for coming here and leaving your thoughts, much appreciated  

Wonderful poem.
A handful of perfect words fighting against emptiness.
Congratulations.

hullo

wonderful praise, thanks a millions. and thanks for stopping by and leaving your thought prints

You're welcome.

just gonna get down to business here. I've skimmed over the array of comments so sorry if it's been said, but firstly I found the italics distracting. made the piece seem theatrical. it is dramatic in a big way but it's a big quiet drama. I like the straightforwardness of it. and the last line kinda lets all those good bits and concept down. it would have been great if you could take "granite" out of the title and incorporate it into that last line to turn back on the metaphor prior in the poem and also be the symbol for longevity bc that word "longevity" feels like the wrong gear for wrapping such a beautiful poem up.

anyhow, cheers for the read

You've said SO much, in SO few words. Spoken across generations, spoken a common pain that knows no wealth or destitution.  Your simple piece is layers and layers deep.  Great work!

Awesome, powerful message in so few words.