deepundergroundpoetry.com
Her
Her presence grants me a serenity i cant explain.
My cheek bones weak at the sound of her name.
I try to erase thoughts of her, but my mind’s defiant.
i want her, but cant have her, im fighting my feelings in silence.
She pays close attention, one thing we have in common.
I want to act on my intuition, but i need to proceed with caution.
Her heart seems generous, kind and true..
A more intimate relation could be taboo.
Im becoming nervous when she's in my space..
like when your mom calls your full name and your heart begins to race.
Her crown made of dreadlocks, just like mine.
A waterfall cascading her back, i envy them caressing her spine.
Her spirit subtle, but i can't but notice.
She makes my mental scrabble, i can't keep my focus.
I want to taste her lips, but i dont think it'll come to pass..
If given the chance i wouldn't surpass.
To cuddle and watch films, netflix and chill.
No pressure or persuasion I want her, to want me at her own free-will.
I know this may only be fiction and fantasy..
Maybe one day, we run away and make it a reality.
©️Courtney Hines
My cheek bones weak at the sound of her name.
I try to erase thoughts of her, but my mind’s defiant.
i want her, but cant have her, im fighting my feelings in silence.
She pays close attention, one thing we have in common.
I want to act on my intuition, but i need to proceed with caution.
Her heart seems generous, kind and true..
A more intimate relation could be taboo.
Im becoming nervous when she's in my space..
like when your mom calls your full name and your heart begins to race.
Her crown made of dreadlocks, just like mine.
A waterfall cascading her back, i envy them caressing her spine.
Her spirit subtle, but i can't but notice.
She makes my mental scrabble, i can't keep my focus.
I want to taste her lips, but i dont think it'll come to pass..
If given the chance i wouldn't surpass.
To cuddle and watch films, netflix and chill.
No pressure or persuasion I want her, to want me at her own free-will.
I know this may only be fiction and fantasy..
Maybe one day, we run away and make it a reality.
©️Courtney Hines
Published 20th Jul 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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20th Jul 2019 1:16pm
That kind of love that you miss if it's meant to be it will come back someday for some love comes back when one least expect it to return keep the faith and trust your instincts
22nd Jul 2019 6:26pm
I love the poem.
It's absolutely beautiful and leaves me wishing you find your wants.
I'm also not sure if it's a description of a crush, or a self love, but i like it from both perspectives. Cheers
It's absolutely beautiful and leaves me wishing you find your wants.
I'm also not sure if it's a description of a crush, or a self love, but i like it from both perspectives. Cheers
22nd Jul 2019 8:50pm
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Jul 2019 9:46pm
25th Jul 2019 9:45pm
This poem has a lot of potential to flow smoother if you address some of the excess wording, most notably in Stanzas 2, 3, 5, 6, 8, 9.
For example:
"I try to erase thoughts of her, but my mind’s defiant.
i want her, but cant have her, im fighting my feelings in silence."
"Avoiding thoughts of her, my mind proves defiant
Can't have what I want; fighting these feelings in silence"
Removed are:
2 X her
1 X I and 1X I'm
1 X my
2 X but
Once you identify words that you habitually recycle, you'll automatically catch yourself overusing them as you write and seek alternative wording on the fly.
Your Stanza 1 is already streamlined and smoooooth; follow your own example!
For example:
"I try to erase thoughts of her, but my mind’s defiant.
i want her, but cant have her, im fighting my feelings in silence."
"Avoiding thoughts of her, my mind proves defiant
Can't have what I want; fighting these feelings in silence"
Removed are:
2 X her
1 X I and 1X I'm
1 X my
2 X but
Once you identify words that you habitually recycle, you'll automatically catch yourself overusing them as you write and seek alternative wording on the fly.
Your Stanza 1 is already streamlined and smoooooth; follow your own example!
