deepundergroundpoetry.com
Story Poem, Nr.13 Heat
In red shadows of an urgent mind
she skulked, angry at her sabotaging vulpine mother
who skewered each new relationship.
So she sat, a depository of heat,
nascent with sensuous thoughts of a long night
wrapped around an unknown man
attracting static on the other side
of the dance-hall.
He, after a first request rejection, stood alone
suppressed by a declivity towards renewed risk,
staring at hope, battling fire
til an itch in his legs
switched the curved ball
and released new intent,
remembering his valued impressions as a cognoscente
in literature and the beaux arts
Despite both feeling frangible from failure
they approached each other as determined gods
burning with unfulfilled desires
and recalcitrant to voices of restraint.
The band tangoed as two touched hands slid thighs
and dancing beyond the planked cracks of the sprung floor
an ineffable future ricocheted the music
towards a candle-light of heightened experience.
she skulked, angry at her sabotaging vulpine mother
who skewered each new relationship.
So she sat, a depository of heat,
nascent with sensuous thoughts of a long night
wrapped around an unknown man
attracting static on the other side
of the dance-hall.
He, after a first request rejection, stood alone
suppressed by a declivity towards renewed risk,
staring at hope, battling fire
til an itch in his legs
switched the curved ball
and released new intent,
remembering his valued impressions as a cognoscente
in literature and the beaux arts
Despite both feeling frangible from failure
they approached each other as determined gods
burning with unfulfilled desires
and recalcitrant to voices of restraint.
The band tangoed as two touched hands slid thighs
and dancing beyond the planked cracks of the sprung floor
an ineffable future ricocheted the music
towards a candle-light of heightened experience.
Written by
Josh
(Joshua Bond)
Published 7th Jun 2019
| Edited 9th Mar 2024
Author's Note
Comp entry for "In a word ... with a twist", hosted by FromTheAsh
(photo credit: Joshua Bond)
(photo credit: Joshua Bond)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 13
reading list entries 0
comments 26
reads 682
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Heat
7th Jun 2019 10:03am
Re: Re. Heat
7th Jun 2019 10:20am
Re. Heat
7th Jun 2019 10:53am
Re: Re. Heat
Thank you starzzz - glad you like it. Bit of a stretch for me to write something with a #erotic label attached to it, so your appreciation is a nice uplift this morning. :))
Re. Heat
7th Jun 2019 12:08pm
Wow. You put the word list to brilliant use in your piece. I like the imagery here. It paints a real picture. Nice work on this.
1
Re: Re. Heat
7th Jun 2019 5:43pm
Thank you Eerie for the compliment. I had the sketch/draft poem a week ago and then the picture emerged gradually by looking at it a couple of times a day, changing and fiddling, and was surprised how it emerged (a sign of the muse helping me out, thankfully)
Re. Heat
Anonymous
7th Jun 2019 12:20pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Heat
7th Jun 2019 5:44pm
Anonymous
- Edited 21st Oct 2019 5:45am
7th Jun 2019 12:58pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Heat
7th Jun 2019 5:47pm
Thank you HF for the feed-back. Interestingly, the line you highlight was originally the opening line, which popped into my head after staring at the 8 words I had to incorporate. So you picked up on the original vibe-spark that got me going.
Re. Heat
Anonymous
7th Jun 2019 2:00pm
The build-up in this is incredible! Somehow I get the feeling they'll be lighting fires off the screen somewhere. Thank you for joining in with this one! :-)
1
Re: Re. Heat
7th Jun 2019 5:54pm
And thank you Willow for instigating the comp - it's a real interesting mix of words and theme you thought up. Thinking about "lighting fires off the screen" is where I wanted to propel the reader's imagination at the end of the poem - so it worked! :))
Re. Heat
7th Jun 2019 2:03pm
Even before i read to the end
my mind was saying, " Hey, Josh just used the same words that Em's new spill has in it! Must be for a comp"
I love it when my mind is spot on.
Wonderful ink laid out here, Brother
my mind was saying, " Hey, Josh just used the same words that Em's new spill has in it! Must be for a comp"
I love it when my mind is spot on.
Wonderful ink laid out here, Brother
1
Re: Re. Heat
7th Jun 2019 5:56pm
Thank you Tallen for the compliment. It was quite an unusual mix of lesser used words - but DUP is nothing if not to challenge one into unknown territory.
Re. Heat
7th Jun 2019 7:40pm
In the spirit of competition the challenge has been set and you've surpassed it. I once wrote a similar piece but this is something that goes beyond the regular lexicon and syntax (aside from the challenge words). It made me visualize it and appreciate it in the delivery.
Good luck on the comp.
Good luck on the comp.
1
Re: Re. Heat
7th Jun 2019 8:30pm
Thank you Wally for your supportive feed-back. Since the end of the NaPo month, I've 'sitting with' my draft poems two or three times a day, over a week or so, before posting, and it's been really interesting how new ideas and little improvements spring to mind - it's the process that really intrigues me, how a blank sheet of paper and an initial idea gradually become 'something else', become objectified, and then as a 'thing-in-themself' get read and commented on by others.
Re. Heat
8th Jun 2019 00:51am
Re: Re. Heat
8th Jun 2019 11:29am
Anonymous
- Edited 22nd Feb 2020 6:45am
8th Jun 2019 12:21pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Heat
8th Jun 2019 3:20pm
Thank you MysticalRose for the read and comment. Glad you could feel the heat :))
Re. Heat
9th Jun 2019 3:22am
dig it, Josh, good stuff all around, the home-stretch of it is particularly strong
1
Re: Re. Heat
9th Jun 2019 10:41am
Re. Heat
11th Jun 2019 7:21pm
Beautiful verbiage exquisitely rendered with a kind of noir, smoky jazz and subcurrent of emotion.
1
Re: Re. Heat
11th Jun 2019 10:39pm
Thank you Daniel for your keen comment - you paint the kind of scene I was imagining, possibly 1940s.
Re. Heat
15th May 2020 00:09am
This was a competition
With this strong entry if it didn't win the winner would have had to be a strong contender
It just goes to show that erotic poetry doesn't need to be explicit
Unfortunately this style of wordplay is becoming so rare it will soon be extinct
With this strong entry if it didn't win the winner would have had to be a strong contender
It just goes to show that erotic poetry doesn't need to be explicit
Unfortunately this style of wordplay is becoming so rare it will soon be extinct
1
Re: Re. Heat
Thank you for commenting, Laluma. From what I remember there were 8 specific words given that had to be included, and the theme had to be on the erotic side. I rarely do 'extreme content' poems, and virtually never erotica - so this of of mine is a rearity in that respect.
The poem closed on 24th June 2019; had the title "in a word ... with a twist" and was hosted by 'FromTheAsh' -- and I think you can look at the entries by clicking on this:
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/10833/
[no, I didn't win] :))
The poem closed on 24th June 2019; had the title "in a word ... with a twist" and was hosted by 'FromTheAsh' -- and I think you can look at the entries by clicking on this:
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/10833/
[no, I didn't win] :))