deepundergroundpoetry.com
Fever
While gazing at the moon, I think of him,
As if he’s shouting back ‘wish you were here’.
But he’s much closer to in vision dim,
Were I to journey there, he’d disappear.
A force begins to gust as night relents,
While gazing at the moon, I think of him.
I catch a chill which has the wind repent,
For cutting ‘tween my heart & lover’s whim.
But it’s too late, condition’s turning grim,
What can I do, for I am all alone.
While gazing at the moon, I think of him,
To have him feel the love for my atone.
With fever, though I need to hear his voice,
How can he know I’m hanging by a limb.
For what we have is reason to rejoice,
While gazing at the moon, I think of him.
NaPo/GloPoWriMo 2019
Author's Note
•Day Twenty-eight of Thirty
•unique words: 85
•tommy
•unique words: 85
•tommy
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 16
reading list entries 1
comments 22
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Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 9:35am
Re: Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 6:00pm
Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 10:10am
Beautiful and lonely, except when you connect to him by the moon...
1
Re: Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 6:04pm
Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 3:17pm
For what we have is reason to rejoice,
Beautiful anchor to not only the poem but the spirit of hope as well, Jade.
We truly do gaze at the same moon. xo
Beautiful anchor to not only the poem but the spirit of hope as well, Jade.
We truly do gaze at the same moon. xo
1
Re: Re. Fever
O yes, my Sage, we surely do...
“the same moon
you and I
the same moon”
( a ‘ku I wrote years ago )
🐾xo
“the same moon
you and I
the same moon”
( a ‘ku I wrote years ago )
🐾xo
Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 3:40pm
Re: Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 6:03pm
Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 5:24pm
Quite lovely Jade. I like what SweetOblivion said. Your tags make me wonder if it is illness that keeps the lovers apart. Makes me a bit sad.
I wanted to share this write by Tardegrade.
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/345211-milldog-slumionairre/
I wanted to share this write by Tardegrade.
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/345211-milldog-slumionairre/
1
Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 6:20pm
Thank you, Daniel, for your appreciation. And also for the link. I have gone and read & commented on his sobering, astounding piece.
Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 6:42pm
I've always seen the moon as a masculine reflection of the mother sun, so I liked the him/ moon connection.
1
Re: Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 7:39pm
Why thank you, Tardegrade, for coming in. What a nice way to explain your thoughts about this piece.
Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 6:49pm
I love all of the moon references and repetition. Keep up the good work!
1
Re: Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 7:46pm
Why thank you, Deanna, how sweet of you to stop by for a read, and your dear comment.
And a warm welcome to you, as a new member of the Deep! :D
Jadey
And a warm welcome to you, as a new member of the Deep! :D
Jadey
Re. Fever
"While gazing at the moon, I think of him."
... this is such a great choice of line to be "quaternized" - and carried out with great skill, heart and grace throughout the poem.
... this is such a great choice of line to be "quaternized" - and carried out with great skill, heart and grace throughout the poem.
1
Re: Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 7:50pm
Thanks, my friend, for such words you honor me with. I adore using this form as often as it comes to me.
Re. Fever
28th Apr 2019 9:15pm
Another enjoyed, never left unaffected read.
You make it difficult not to take your skill for granted.
You make it difficult not to take your skill for granted.
1
Re: Re. Fever
29th Apr 2019 3:11am
Oohh wow, goodness me, gosh thanks so much for enjoying my work, dear sister Tryst. What else can I say?
*tiger hugs*
🐾
*tiger hugs*
🐾
Re. Fever
11th May 2019 6:52am
The eagerness of a lover depicted so beautifully. Amazing write again.
1
Re: Re. Fever
11th May 2019 7:17am
I’m terribly moved by both your support & enjoyment of my work, dear friend, with yet another honor of place on your List, Mahmudul.
Anonymous
- Edited 22nd Feb 2020 6:45am
12th May 2019 2:08pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Fever
12th May 2019 6:54pm