deepundergroundpoetry.com
Fearful Love
Spiteful spats split
the heart’s gentle pulse
and shuttered, brittle plans.
For as the heart desiring
sings soft-soaked ballads
the mind, in shame, decries
repeated volleys - jibes
dispatched from a crooked mouth
twisted in a sneer
while the tender heart cowers,
encircled by heated fear.
Brewing from this tension
seeping through piercing radar,
eyes meet and hands, tentative
to a delicate finger tip - touch.
the heart’s gentle pulse
and shuttered, brittle plans.
For as the heart desiring
sings soft-soaked ballads
the mind, in shame, decries
repeated volleys - jibes
dispatched from a crooked mouth
twisted in a sneer
while the tender heart cowers,
encircled by heated fear.
Brewing from this tension
seeping through piercing radar,
eyes meet and hands, tentative
to a delicate finger tip - touch.
Published 22nd Mar 2019
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likes 5
reading list entries 0
comments 7
reads 175
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
22nd Mar 2019 10:46pm
I think the title is what drew me in to this, because I’ve been doing a lot of work on the self. I think by our very nature we are all fearful beings. Half of the work I have been doing with myself is learning that it’s totally ok to feel fear— the victory is showing up anyway.
Anyway, this poem is a glorious echo of acceptance and self reflection for me. It’s kinda where I’m at and that’s why I felt connected to it.
Thanks for sharing.
-M
Anyway, this poem is a glorious echo of acceptance and self reflection for me. It’s kinda where I’m at and that’s why I felt connected to it.
Thanks for sharing.
-M
I was going to change the title (although to what, I don't know) - it's perhaps a good thing that I did not.
I am pleased that you felt connected to this poem. I wrote it in 2017, and revised it a little before submitting it here.
Thank you for reading and commenting, and for the reading list addition :)
SeaCat
I am pleased that you felt connected to this poem. I wrote it in 2017, and revised it a little before submitting it here.
Thank you for reading and commenting, and for the reading list addition :)
SeaCat
Technically I enjoyed the alliteration as well as the assonance and consonance throughout the piece. The heart is a tender organ that shys away from discord caused by fear and ego.
It's amazing what reaching out with a simple fingertip can accomplish. Such a small white flag offering that has the power to silence wars and create man ( according to Micelangelo ).
Well done. May peace reign.
It's amazing what reaching out with a simple fingertip can accomplish. Such a small white flag offering that has the power to silence wars and create man ( according to Micelangelo ).
Well done. May peace reign.
23rd Mar 2019 6:04pm
thank you!
The simple, lightness of the small white flag of a fingertip is a counterbalance to the heaviness of the rest of the poem, and I am pleased that you saw that.
thank you :)
The simple, lightness of the small white flag of a fingertip is a counterbalance to the heaviness of the rest of the poem, and I am pleased that you saw that.
thank you :)
Anonymous
23rd Mar 2019 10:40am
SC, its a great poem. Glad to see you're still spilling the ink.
I want to suggest dropping the "ed" from "shuttered" to bring the entire first stanza into present tense.
"Spiteful spats split
the heart’s gentle pulse
and shutter, brittle plans."
Either way, it works, so nothing to fret over.
I want to suggest dropping the "ed" from "shuttered" to bring the entire first stanza into present tense.
"Spiteful spats split
the heart’s gentle pulse
and shutter, brittle plans."
Either way, it works, so nothing to fret over.
I see what you mean. However, the plans are 'shuttered' in the mind already (they're just hopeful dreams), rather than the "spiteful spats..." actively shuttering them.
the "Spiteful spats..." are splitting the heart FROM the brittle plans (which are already shuttered in the mind).
Thank you for reading and commenting :)
the "Spiteful spats..." are splitting the heart FROM the brittle plans (which are already shuttered in the mind).
Thank you for reading and commenting :)
9th May 2019 4:56pm
yes, you've definitely explored and heaved the words
for such a thing
punctuating..
for such a thing
punctuating..
