drowning within myself

      Back and forth, back and forth th tide ebbs and swirl. Sorounding, reaching, touching with its foamy finger. Teasing at my last breathless moments surging up and over. Pulling me under the tide is winnin......but for a moment my foo brushes the bottom, and I am able to push, to grasp hold of a few lat breaths. For a moment the tide must wait.

       A crumbling ilusion is a frightning thing it frees some. It buries and suffocates others and the crulest part is, we never know which we shall be the one riding to freedom or the one gasping for one last breath.

       It feels like I'm walking across a churning black lake with a devouring monster lurking beneath its surface. There is no time to test the stones I leap on but one misstep and ill be food or the monster. The stones wobble I prepare to die, but I regain my balance. The other side of the lake seems so far away how many more stones......?

       With the truth balled tightly in my fist I push forward. A secret, forever a secret that I cannot share. Caught in the middle and I don't dare to open my palm for all to see. The truth is ugly they think the lies are comfortable is that what they want? Who am I to say differently? Who am I at all?

       I wish I could just fling the truth into the depest part of the sea, lost.......gone. But I know one day.....one day when I walk across the seashore it would reach out an swirl around my ankle. Pulling me in until I drowned along with it.

      free, flying, falling. For the first time I can feel the wind rushing pat my face. I hear the whistle of truth whispering "come you are free" and I am. Inly one weight still tugsat me now, and I know soon it to shall be gone. The knowing makes me lighter than air. I can smell, hear, touch, feel without a blanket o fear dampering it. I'm falling up cause I soon will be free dusty dreams are born dusty lies now die.