I Release You

All my life I have always wondered "why"?
Why does she hate me?
Why do her words sting
as if shes is whipping me
Why do you hurt me, Mother?
Its been 45 years and I cannot recall
A single time you ever told me you loved me
or that I was a great kid
or that I grew into a beautiful woman
Or that you were sorry
Sorry for being a shitty, uncaring single mom
It wasnt my fault you ruined your marriage
That was all you and your bad fucking attitude towards him
Maybe if you smiled once in a damned blue moon
And maybe if you were so unhappy
You should have left him before you took it out on me
Like its not my fault I married someone you hate
Just because of his job? Are you nuts?
All because your ex, my Father and him
shared the same career
Hes a hero, my hero
They both are
Why did you kill all my joy I felt for myself when I was a little kid?
Why did you hate me because I loved my Dad?
What were you jealous?
You know I loved you too
You are my Mother
Why are you so selfish?
Why are you so angry?
Why have you never embraced my children?
Why are you such a bitch?
Why do you still try to torture me?
Why do you still invite me over for holidays, when its all a fucking lie?
You ignore me, my husband and our girls
Do you invite me just so you can toss me out one last time
Like youve always done
I am no longer running away, Mother
Today is a new day and here I am
I have been preparing for this day with sad happiness
This day has brought me painful joy
Along with tears
letting go is never easy
Because I love you, however
Today, Mother I release you.
And all your negative thoughts
And all that you have done to hurt me
I have taken back the power
Your tears mean nothing
Because mine never did
My husband and daughters make me smile
And they also understand why there are tears sometimes
They understand the tears and broken heart are from you
But in a way, I thank you, yes I thank you
For being the shittiest most selfish mother anyone could have had
You taught me what kind of Mother I never wanted to be
I am proud of the Mother I am today
Because I am nothing like you
Today, I release you
and all the guilt
Like a broken, dying, dirty leaf in the wind....
You can go so far away
I will miss you even if you dont deserve to hear those words
Because I am free
My husband loves me
Our babies love me
And thank the stars in the sky
now that you have been released,
I love myself again
Because I am worth all this love
I release you now and forever, amen