Mommy Issues

Lost.  
So bloody lost.  
Why is life this way?  
Why do I play,  
a puppet,  
a marionette?  
who let's others pull my strings.  
But who pulls the strings?  
Sure as hell ain't me.  
Do as I'm told,  
don't talk back.  
Or I'll get smacked,  
though not literally.  
That is not alright, however,  
verbal abuse is ok.  
"Suck it up.  
You'll be fine.  
You think I'm hurting you?  
Let me tell you a story,  
of when I was young.  
Here are my woes,  
Listen.  
It's my chance to be sad.  
It is my right.  
So shut your damn mouth,  
shut in your feelings,  
be who I want you to be.  
You choose to grow up,  
now deal with it.  
Don't treat me like dirt.  
Don't treat him like a god.  
What right do you have,  
to be sad?  
Your life is fine.  
I can still ground you.  
You are still mine.  
Don't forget that,  
never forget.  
You never left me,  
no, not like the others.  
You are still mine,
My little girl.  
I love you."
I love you too.  
"Do you?"
Do I?  
I no longer know.  
Family is forever.  
Better just shoot myself,  
and end forever.  
Or, will that just give  
forever a jumpstart?  
no reason to rush these things,  
not with what I've seen.  
I try talking to you.  
It doesn't work,  
Did it ever?  
I'm seeing things clearer.  
You're interrupting me,  
every time I speak,  
your words are more important.  
For example,  
I try to say,  
I want...  
You drown me out with,  
"Well I want too,  
but I can't do or have  
what I want, so,  
why should you?  
I'm not arguing,  
 so don't fight back."
Become a rag doll,  
pulled to and fro.  
Keep that stiched smile on.  
No frowning.  
No crying.  
I just wanna get away.  
I can't get away.  
"You are mine."
I don't belong to me.  
Weird colored lips,  
only do so much,  
only go so far.  
I am nobody.  
An unwanted thing,  
tossed to and fro,  
back and forth.  
Doesn't matter if I bruise  
'cause I'm a toy.  
With set feelings,  
with set emotions.  
Push a button,  
and watch me act accordingly.  
I just want to be,  
semi-normal.  
To hang out with friends,  
without the 20 questions.  
To be free,  
But that's never to be.  
I treat people horribly.  
I am so lost.  
Drowning in nothing,  
drowning in everything.  
Sometimes I can't breathe.  
Yet somehow I am alive.  
my heart still beats,  
But is it really there,  
Do I really care?  
I can no longer decided.  
My eyes are leaking fluid,  
like the car that isn't mine.  
Where did this liquid come from?  
I shut down.  
I stop talking.  
This freaks you out.  
"Don't make me put you  
in a hospital.  
Don't make me put you  
in the psych ward.  
Do you know what they do  
to pretty girls like you?  
You'll never last.  
Why are you crying?  
Why don't you speak?  
I did nothing wrong.  
Only you can control you.  
So get it together."
I don't know what to do.  
I.  
Am.  
So.  
Bloody.  
Lost.