So Gone

I am starring at the wall,
Contemplating whether i should call
Suicidal thoughts galore, as i stand at the edge of the same bed we made love on
I hyperventilate, i am struggling to carry on
and turn these silent tears to ink
Since the devil lives in my neck
Thus captures these nouns and verbs
that will relieve the weight I carry
on my back
I am feeling blue yet my eyes see red
How can i paint you the picture of my heart yet i am colour blind?
So let me use the last of these tears
And paint this picture in black and white
That my feelings for you are a picture of a thousand words
Yet it misses colour, the sign of life
I am afraid that if you get too close
You might find the keys to my closet
And reveal these nightmares keeping me awake at night
That might scare you away, I'm too weak to even put up a fight
I can't protect you from my own self
That is what really hurts the most
What could save me, might kill you
And what saves you will leave me in the dark
In this love, i am a parasite
Coz every time we kiss, i feed from the hope in your heart
I am beyond repairs yet you still believe you can fix me
And pick up these pieces of this scarred portrait
And from the cuts on your hand, you'll paint my heart red
And from your tears of pain that run down to your lips,
I should taste the sweetness of your heart
And from mine, I'll water the tree of hope
You are the the frame that put the pieces of this portrait together
Thus gave beauty to a beast
Without you, I am so gone
And i could never do this on my own
Or I'll rather die alone