Love The One You're With

If I had a penis, I'd love it to death
I would probably clean it better
Than a few of those I've met
So it wouldn't smell like pee

If I had a penis, I'd keep it protected
I hear they get hurt easily
Like If you look at it the wrong way
It will make you fall over and vomit

If I had a penis,  I'd do impersonations
I think maybe you could buy it
Some tiny little clothes and hats
So it could be cute doing Mr. Bean

If I had a penis, I'd get arrested
I would probably touch it too much
More than is socially acceptable
Because it's an addict like me

If I had a penis,  I'd name it Superman
I could leap tall bitches in a single
Bound over their pretty faces
In pornos it would be the Man of Steel

If I had a penis,  I'd give it to you
I have always wanted to do that
Too many times to add up to
I'll just give you a strap on instead