Maybe One Day....

This past decade has been rough,  
Especially the last three years,  
I do not understand how we have all been so tough,  
They have come to fruition, all our fears.  

Celebrities, YouTubers, and Gamers have passed,  
Including an editor of a channel who committed suicide,  
And soon another big channel will cease it's broadcast,  
Sometimes it seems this world is devoid of daylight.  
 
For me, I have lived all my life with O.C.T., and severe A.D.D., tiring my brain,  
A night owl, and having severe social anxiety I am just now working out of,  
I thought, one day I would be right as rain, but then it happens again,  
My best friends died: my dog, my two cats, my two little dogs, all whom I love.  
 
When they died, I stopped shedding tears, I was grieved-out,  
I also suffer from Kyphosis of the spine,  
My life is in a dark shroud,  
And a lymphatic malformation, I feel as if my heart has flatlined.  
 
Overly creative, too many Ideas, so little time,  
And for two years, had a miserable job which hurt my hands and my soul,  
To my name, I have not a dime,  
I wish me, that special someone could console.  
 
Worst of all, whenever I feel attraction for an individual,  
They have either been dead 40-100+ years, just photos,  
Are an animated character and not real, or not even interested in my type of gender, as usual,  
And just when I find the man of my dreams, here come more sorrows...  
 
I cannot even tell him exactly how I feel,  
They say, "Tell those you love before it's too late",
One day, one of us will die, and if I have not said how I feel,  
The world will be in such a sad state.  
 
I want not to make her jealous,  
But I must tell him, even if nothing comes of it,  
I watch plenty of true crime, which makes me anxious,  
If I die, I want him to know how I feel, and that I mean it.  
 
And on top of it all, my Twitter friend has lost several loved ones,  
My brother constantly makes rude/mean jokes about not loving me, and not appreciating when I am there,  
And I have begun to wonder if they are true, my heart it weakens,  
I have begun to spend less time with him, the pain I could not bear.  
 
The world is such a frightening place,  
More and more people are becoming easily offended,  
More people are taking to radical political action, setting the world ablaze,  
Handshakes extended, friendships rejected.  
 
Most of the time, I try to be positive,  
But right now, I have a hole in my soul, and in my heart,  
I just wish I could bury my face into his shirt and cry, whist I grieve,  
This is tearing me apart, ripping out my heart.  
 
Maybe one day...maybe one day, it will not be so bad....