deepundergroundpoetry.com
repetition compulsion
all these years
I’ve been on the quest
of saving someone
the infantile dream
I started as a child
to save my parents
out of the chaos of their lives
needless to say
I failed
I failed once
I failed again
and then again
and once again
with 4 [1]
my repetition compulsion [2]
has reached a full circle
am I going to repeat
compulsively again?
these futile attempts
to save people
to make them shine
to put them in the place
to shine forth
as diamonds on display
to prove my worth
somewhere between the memories
I can’t recall
I lost Her glance
and with it
I lost my worth
the worth of me
of me without the need of doing
somewhere between
our first date and the breakup
I lost your worth
the worth of you
of you without the need of doing
you left unsaved
and I left… still unworthy
[1]: Debug Poetry on Tumblr - 4 (poem) - https://debugpoetry.tumblr.com/post/172927132272/4
[2]: Wikipedia: Repetition Compulsion - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repetition_compulsion
I’ve been on the quest
of saving someone
the infantile dream
I started as a child
to save my parents
out of the chaos of their lives
needless to say
I failed
I failed once
I failed again
and then again
and once again
with 4 [1]
my repetition compulsion [2]
has reached a full circle
am I going to repeat
compulsively again?
these futile attempts
to save people
to make them shine
to put them in the place
to shine forth
as diamonds on display
to prove my worth
somewhere between the memories
I can’t recall
I lost Her glance
and with it
I lost my worth
the worth of me
of me without the need of doing
somewhere between
our first date and the breakup
I lost your worth
the worth of you
of you without the need of doing
you left unsaved
and I left… still unworthy
[1]: Debug Poetry on Tumblr - 4 (poem) - https://debugpoetry.tumblr.com/post/172927132272/4
[2]: Wikipedia: Repetition Compulsion - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repetition_compulsion
Published 13th Aug 2018
Author's Note
A personal insight on my repetition compulsion
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Anonymous
13th Aug 2018 11:10am
I was diagnosed with OCD about 8 years ago now so there’s a lot in here that I really recognise. The compulsion of repetition is the last great unknown. Eloquently written.
Thank you for sharing this.
-M
Thank you for sharing this.
-M
13th Aug 2018 11:42am
Thanks for reading!
I'm sorry to hear about your OCD. I hope it has improved for the better.
Some food for thought:
a "key component in Freud's understanding of mental life, 'repetition compulsion'...describes the pattern whereby people endlessly repeat patterns of behaviour which were difficult or distressing in earlier life"
'Repetitions of traumatic events for the purpose of achieving a belated mastery...seen first and most clearly in children's games'
... 'are of course the activities of instincts intended to lead to satisfaction; but no lesson has been learnt from the old experience of these activities having led only to unpleasure'
I'm sorry to hear about your OCD. I hope it has improved for the better.
Some food for thought:
a "key component in Freud's understanding of mental life, 'repetition compulsion'...describes the pattern whereby people endlessly repeat patterns of behaviour which were difficult or distressing in earlier life"
'Repetitions of traumatic events for the purpose of achieving a belated mastery...seen first and most clearly in children's games'
... 'are of course the activities of instincts intended to lead to satisfaction; but no lesson has been learnt from the old experience of these activities having led only to unpleasure'
Yeah, trying to fix the unfixable. Everbody acts out unresolved childhood issues. It's not a disease, it's just what people do. Once I got that I was able to see it and work on it though. I started to project myself differently and in turn attract a different kind of people. You got some good self awareness....you might be on the way out.
13th Aug 2018 9:16pm
