methadone dreams and nightmares

 
methadone dreams I still have them
all last night I was fighting to get there
down city streets saw old friends along the way
junkies I knew once upon a time
they were still doing the same old thing
 
when I finally got there
sweating profusely, phening
I asked for my dose card
they said  
"Crimsin you haven't been here in years
you're the 1% that got off methadone maintenance  
after 13 years you're a sucess"
 
they said  
"you have a phone call"
 
it was my mom who abandoned me at age three  
cos she was schizophrenic  
all of a sudden we were at court house park
I was five chasing the squirrels while my mom watched on
 
there was a crazy lady there  
and I explained to her as I watched the scene
that my mom always took me there for visits
cos we had to stay close to the cps office
 
I told her my mom died when I was nineteen
another crazy lady came out and she talked to me
the first lady said she doesn't talk to anyone you're in
then I walked into the hall there was junkie there
I asked him did the methadone clinic treat meth addiction
 
I awoke sweating profusely
with tears in my eyes
my mom came through to me in dream time
after all these years and with all the spirits who talk to me  
she was always silent
 
I don't know what her message is
the one percentile is pretty impressive
it's been eight years now no methadone
still I miss it, in dreams I chase it
 
damn I think my life is supposed to mean something
I didn't cross into hell and come back for nothing
see you on the flip side