It doesn't Leave

Its been two long years
two years to heal.
recover some sort of mentality
happiness seems so real.

i used to write here everyday
mostly to stop my screams
now mind has cleared up
but death is haunting my dreams

i still think about it sometimes
the easy way to leave
just a few deep cuts and game over
you cant hide that with long sleeves.

i fight everyday to live
and im winning more and more
but here i am crying.
drunk and sprawled on the bathroom floor.

is this a weak moment?
or just me falling again?
the only thing i really know.
is im going to be hellbound by the end.