Things I'll Never Say

I
Her soul was once a radiant fire
But now nearly all her flames have turned to ember
Her head-strong approach was something I’ve always admired
Yet now it seems like she has surrendered…
To despair and anxiety after five gruesome years
I watch on helplessly as I don’t know what to do
How can I assure her that there’s nothing to fear?
Whenever she asks me what our future holds, I haven’t got a clue
There are moments where I see determination in her worn eyes
But those days are rarer and rarer
Many days all I want to do is cry
We wouldn’t be in this situation if life had been fairer
All her life has been one struggle after another
But she managed to push on by working like heck
I love her so, oh my poor, dear mother
I fear that I’ll be the cause of her premature death.

II
Emptiness inside
I didn’t want to believe
That this is the final goodbye
Between you and me
I miss you Leo
Why did you have to go?
You, mom and I were the Golden Trio
Yet your life was cut short like one would blow…
Out a candle to extinguish its flames
Yet you, my dear cat, were hit by a car
That heart-stopping text from dad engulfed me in rage
And those unbelievable words had sown onto my heart a scar
Sometimes I dream of you, and I’m so happy
Only to wake up to reality, and I burst into tears
These last 10 months without you have been utterly crappy
Your affectionate personality filled our lives with cheer
Emptiness inside
I’ve now come to terms
That this is the final goodbye
The lack of a pulse and your immobile chest were enough to confirm.

III
I know I haven’t been the most worshipping of Christians
Only recently have I come to terms with my spirituality
Honestly, I thought that your existence was pure fiction
Yet my life experience led me to believe that your existence could be a reality
After all, you saved my mother when she was in death’s clutches
You have made it possible for me to accomplish my dream
Whenever I was done, you have been my pair of crutches
So please help me now, or I’ll burst out and scream
I’ve made a terrible choice, that shouldn’t have been so if life were different
I went all in instead of fully analyzing and opting for the safer path
I know that my face is often blank, making people think that I’m indifferent
When really, it’s my only way of protecting myself from attack
I didn’t sign up to pay this terrible price
This never would have happened had the opportunity exited back home
I had no one at the time to give me much needed advice
I feel like I’ve screwed up just as badly as the fall of Rome
So, God, Forces of the universe, my Guardian Angel
Please help my bearer and I to make it out of this shitstorm
This experience has left me rather gainful…
In what I should and shouldn’t do; I’m now informed
But I swear that I’ll bring us to the light at the end of the tunnel; no matter how painful.