THESE CHANGES I'VE BECOME  (11-13-1990, San Diego, California)

what are these
changes
ive become
i go through
these changes
these changes
are happening
to me
i am being
changed
dramatically
more and more
each day
but where
am i
in all these
relentless changes
where are they
taking me to
where does that
leave me now
where am i
left
where can i
go
if i can
no longer
be fully human
then what
will i
have become
what will
i learn
through all these
continuous transformations
what more
can i feel
through this hideous
armor
of so many
scabs and sores
through the
dehydrated parchment
of my paper
thin
leathery skin
which seems
to be mine
no more
what more
will i see
through
these tired
failing eyes
what trickery
of confusion
are my senses
and mind
now playing
upon me
amid all this
new wreckage
around me
i am
is it possible
to find
any deeper meaning
in all this
maligned
misalignment
or more profoundly
yet
some greater degree
of heightened
awareness
in my sense
of god
a god
i once felt
and knew as
myself
as everyone
as everything
as one
but how can
i still be
here now
in this
my apparently
rejected
new form
this riotous
rot
of forgotten
god gone
ive apparently
now become
is it possible
to believe
to know
to hope
to dream
once more
that despite
all this collective
fear
and doubt
that perhaps
ive not been
completely
rejected  forgotten
abandoned
just yet
amid all this
illogical fate
of my ongoing
physiological
deterioration
yes perhaps
through all this
in some strange
mysteriously
unfathomable way
i in fact
in truth
may somehow
actually be
through this
seemingly endless
long  personal
journey
of suffering
through physical
mental  emotional
psychological
and egoic
transformation
through cellular
dissipation
of being
and form
simultaneously
organically growing
ever closer
back into
oneness
with the divine
ineffable heart
of
source
alas
again